Choices
by JulesAusten82
Summary: What would have happened between Darcy and Elizabeth if Lizzy had been forced to accept Mr Collins? Would Darcy have been strong enough to forget her and walk away? Would Elizabeth let him?
1. No other choice

_**A/N: This story takes place a few days after the Netherfield Ball, but in this story Jane has already received the letter from Caroline Bingley stating that the whole party have removed to London to join Mr Bingley, and that they have no intention of ever returning.**_

_**This is my fisrt Fan fiction and would really appreciate any advice/ reviews you may have to offer. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 1:**

"Oh Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar. You must come and make Lizzy marry Mr Collins, for Lizzy declares she will not have Mr. Collins and now he begins to say that he will not have Lizzy!" Cried Mrs Bennet, as she came bursting forward into her husband's study, nearly taking the door off its hinges in her haste.

"Bring Elizabeth to me," said Mr Bennet after a few tense minutes of careful consideration.

Mrs Bennet opened the study door and motioned to her second eldest daughter, who was standing just outside in the hall looking fearful yet resolute, to enter. "Lizzy, your father wishes to speak to you!"

"Come in Lizzy." Mr Bennet looked sombrely at his favourite daughter as she walked determinedly into the room, then casting a somewhat querulous look at his over effusive wife, he said: "I think it would be best if I speak to Elizabeth alone Mrs Bennet."

Mrs Bennet didn't look pleased on being excluded from the conversation, knowing full well that Mr. Bennets partiality for his second born would undoubtedly cause him to be too lenient. But, upon gazing into her husband's resigned face and realising that she didn't have much choice in the matter, she reluctantly exited the study, closing the door smartly behind her.

"An unhappy choice is before you Lizzy. I am sorry that it falls on your shoulders. I understand what kind of fool Mr. Collins is, and believe me when I say that he's the last man in world I would wish to inflict upon you..."

"Thank you father!" interrupted Lizzy, too grateful that her father was taking her side in this.

"...let me finish Lizzy." Continued her father, looking suddenly much older that he had looked a minute before. "Though I would not wish to see you unable to respect your partner in life, I fear that in this instance we may not have a choice."

"Father I don't ..."

"Lizzy, I am old. I do not know how much longer I have on this earth and I would like to be sure that my family will at least have a roof over their head after I am gone. If Bingley had indeed offered for your sister, as we had all hoped, this would be different; you would not need to sacrifice yourself for your sister. But as it is, it would seem that the match between the two of them is entirely at an end, and I now fear that you will have to be the one to rescue your sisters and mother from the gutters."

Elizabeth had at first looked at her father with dumb amazement as he had began his speech but by the time he had reached the end of it and had come to stand in front of her, resting his hand on her shoulder, she could no longer look him in the eyes and was instead staring at the small wine stain on the carpet in front of her slippers. She now understood her father's meaning. Though he despised Mr Collins he would rather see her and her sisters with something, rather than be turned out into the cold after his death. And she found on this occasion, as on most others, that she agreed with her father. Perhaps it was just the way he looked at present, so sad and so frail, but in that instant his death looked almost imminent, and she felt she could no longer afford to be so selfish and must do as her father wished. "Yes father, I understand."

Without looking at him, as she feared one look at his withered countenance would cause her to burst into tears, she quietly turned around and walked out the door.

As she stepped into the hall she saw Mrs Bennet and Mr Collins waiting outside for her. Mr Collins, though not looking particularly pleased with the results of his application, was at least calmly standing before Mrs Bennet as she continued to reassure him that all would be well; that Lizzy was just naturally shy and that as soon as her father had soothed her nerves she would undoubtedly accept his offer. Elizabeth paused with her hand on the door knob feeling as though she were about to step off the edge of a cliff. She could feel the sweat dewing on the palms of her hands and tears were beginning to prick the corners of her eyes. To steady herself she tried to take a deep breath before finally letting go of the door handle, abandoning not only her previous sentiments upon entering the study, but also any hopes or dreams that she had ever entertained about her future happiness.

"Mr Collins," she thus began, eager to get over the heavy ground as soon as possible, "I must apologise for my inexcusable behaviour earlier. I am most flattered by your proposal and if you have not changed your mind I would wish to thank you and to say that I _will_ marry you." The words came out tasting bitter but neither Mrs Bennet nor Mr Collins seemed to notice in what hollow accents they were spoken. Mrs Bennet beamed at her daughter and then at Mr Collins, who she saw, to her delight, was also beaming at Elizabeth.

He was looking very well pleased with himself, as though he knew that this would be the outcome all along. "Of course my dear Elizabeth, I fully comprehend that as the dutiful daughter you are, it would not have been possible for you to accept my hand without first receiving sanction from your excellent father, and must therefore humbly beg your forgiveness for not approaching him myself earlier and thus sparing you all this unnecessary anxiety. But I hope that now that we have resolved the issue our two minds will be as one on every issue here after." And as he spoke, he hastily walked across to Elizabeth, and taking her delicate hand in his rather sweaty, yet feminine grasp, brushed a rather slobbery kiss across her knuckles causing Elizabeth to grimace in revulsion. This response luckily went unseen by Mr Collins as he remained bent over her hand few a few seconds longer than was strictly proper.


	2. Resignation

**Chapter 2:**

Claiming a head ache after all the excitement of the morning, Elizabeth beat a hasty retreat to her bedroom where much to her own surprise, instead of collapsing on the bed and drowning herself in her sorrows, she instead simply sat at her vanity table pondering the possible outcomes that this day would occasion. She knew full well that her life would be at best dull and at worst foolish. And that she thought would not be so very bad. No, the worst of it was that she would have to give herself to this man. This man, that when he was nothing more than her cousin simply appealed to her lively sense of humour; but who now, as her intended husband, made her want to retch. The very vivid memory of the kiss he had bestowed upon her after she had accepted him did occasion a silent tear to trickle down her cheek. All her life she had always wished to fall in love. She knew that that was no longer possible and if she were to try and retain some of her sanity the best thing to do would be to accept it and try making the best of it - though she as yet knew not how.

She had not been sitting there long when a gentle knocking at the door interrupted her reverie. She knew by the sound that it had to be Jane. What would she say to her? She knew enough of her sister's sensitivity to know that whatever disappointment and sadness she herself was feeling her sister would feel it ten times greater on her behalf, and the whole point of accepting Mr Collins was to spare her family, (most especially Jane,) any pain or suffering. With this in mind she wiped her cheek and in her most joyous tone bid her sister to enter.

Jane opened the door timorously and slowly peered her head around it to gaze at Elizabeth. "Lizzy, are you well?" she asked gently.

"Of course Jane." She lied. She had never lied to her sister and therefore knew not whether she would be believed but decided that she best not give her sister too much time to study her words in case she saw through the facade. She therefore immediately rose from her chair and walking towards her sister continued, "My dear Jane, you must wish me joy! I am to be wed." Even in her own ears, her voice sounded cold and she doubted she would be able to fool her dearest sister.

"Lizzy, it cannot be. I know how much you dislike him!" cried Jane.

Elizabeth gently took her sisters hands in her own and led her over to the bed. "Calm yourself Jane. All is forgotten, or must soon be anyway. We are engaged and that is the end of it."

Jane didn't reply but merely stared fixedly at her sister, feeling as though she must be dreaming.

"Say something Jane! Do you not wish to felicitate me? I assure you I am quite resigned to the idea and don't want you to feel sorry for me."

"But Lizzy, why? I know you do not love him and you always said that nothing but the deepest love would induce you into matrimony!"

"And it has!"Replied Elizabeth calmly. Her sister looked at her in disbelief and so she elaborated, "My dearest Jane, there is no one in the world I could love more than you and the rest of my family. By marrying Mr. Collins I can ensure that we will all be looked after once our father is gone. I cannot think of a better reason to get married."

"Lizzy there must be another way! After all father is still strong and one of us could still marry well and secure our fortunes without you having to sacrifice yourself - to Mr Collins of all men! I can't let you do it Lizzy! I just can't!" With these impassioned words Jane threw herself into her sister's arms and began to cry. Elizabeth gently stroked her hair trying to calm her.

"It is done Jane." Was all she could manage to say before tears over took her as well.


	3. The unhappiest day

**Chapter 3:**

Both, the period between the engagement and the wedding, as well as the actual ceremony itself, seemed to pass in a blur. At times Elizabeth wasn't even sure that it was real. She felt as if she was standing at a window and looking in at someone else's life. What she saw would ordinarily have caused her to laugh out loud, but then the realisation hit her and then all she wanted to do was runaway.

Mr. Collins had returned to Hunsford immediately after the engagement in order to inform Lady Catherine of his intentions to marry, as well as to prepare the parsonage for the coming of its new mistress. Thankfully for Elizabeth she was spared his company for several weeks, although she did still have the ample platitudes of her mother to see her through the interminable weeks leading up to the wedding day. She had left all of the arrangements to Mrs Bennet who was more than happy to commandeer the operations, and as a result the day of the wedding came and went and all that Elizabeth was called to do was to arrive at the church and say her vows.

Although weddings are usually punctuated by tears and weeping, Elizabeth felt that this one, in particular, seemed to be cause for crying, though she had cried so much up until that point that on the actual day she felt that she was no longer able to shed any more tears. Jane amply made up for her own lack of tears. She was meant to be Elizabeth's maid of honour but she could barely see though eyes to make any sense of the ceremony, and had to rely on Elizabeth's whispered instructions to ensure she performed her duties at the desired moments.

In the end it was all over much quicker than even Elizabeth could have believed. The wedding breakfast was consumed and the farewells bid and before she knew it she was on her way to the beginning of her new life as Mrs. Collins, mistress of Hunsford parsonage in Kent. Though she would miss her family and friends as well as her home at Longbourne, she was at least glad that her new home would be so far away. It was mortifying enough to know that all her relations knew to what kind of man she was married, but it would have been insupportable for her to have to face those same relations every day with her new husband by her side.

The carriage drive to Kent was the first of many degradations Elizabeth was to face as the wife of Mr Collins. As soon as the carriage door was closed and last view of her family had disappeared over the hill Mr Collins seemed to pounce on her. She knew he would expect to claim his rights as husband that night in the wedding bed but she was completely taken off guard by his sudden assault on her inside the carriage. "Oh my dear Elizabeth!" moaned Mr. Collins as he attempted to plant very wet kisses all over Elizabeth's face, neck and hands.

"Mr. Collins! Please!" begged Elizabeth desperately trying to extricate herself from his greasy clutches but before she could utter another syllable her mouth was claimed by the urgent hungry kiss of her husband. His fat floppy lips pressed hard over her mouth almost suffocating her. She opened her mouth desperately trying to gasp some fresh air but Mr Collins only saw this as an invitation to take matters further, and before she knew it she felt his hot rough tongue force itself into her awaiting mouth and his hot breath blowing over her face. He continued to probe her mouth with his tongue, as well as her body with his meaty hands, while she had become almost frozen in her seat not knowing what she should do or if indeed he even expected her to do anything.

It wasn't long after the onslaught had begun that it ended with a shuddering moan from Mr Collins as he was perched on top of her. She didn't quite know what had happened but she was relieved that he was at least climbing off her and moving back to his side of the carriage. Elizabeth was incredibly self aware and in order to hide her blushes and the stinging hot tears that had begun to race down her burning cheeks, turned her head to gaze out of the window while surreptitiously trying to straighten her frock and re-pin her hair. Opposite her Mr Collins seemed rather pleased with himself. Though not fully understanding the mechanics of love making he was incredibly pleased that he had managed to achieve fulfilment so quickly, and as a result secretly felt that he would undoubtedly be a most desirable lover.

The rest of the journey was less eventful for Elizabeth. Shortly after Mr Collins' assault he proceeded to fall deeply asleep against the far cushions to recoup himself; and Elizabeth, feeling awkward and dirty, was left in peace to stare out the windows at the passing landscapes and see nothing.

She was just as ignorant as to what was supposed to have taken place as he was; but even with her limited knowledge of coupling, (that which her mother had deemed necessary to impart to her daughter on the night before her wedding,) Elizabeth felt certain that she was still a maid, though perhaps not so innocent as she was when she first stepped into the carriage. Though her most fervent desire was to forget what had just taken place within the cramped dark confines of the carriage all that she seemed able to think of was the smell of his acrid breath filling her nostrils and shame that seemed to engulf her as she had felt his hands groping her breasts through the thin fabric of her wedding gown. She had known that this would happen and that she would have to try and live with it. She had hoped that she may even be able to find some enjoyment in the act but after the taste she had just received all she had imagined went up in smoke and she just hoped that in the future she would be able to hold back her tears.

Lost in her thoughts she seemed suddenly shocked when an unexpected image abruptly flashed though her mind's eye – that of Mr Darcy! She was both stunned and confused as to why his face would suddenly swim before her eyes and could only put it down to the fact that the fateful words he had uttered at the Meryton assembly: 'She's not handsome enough to tempt me,' with the emphasis on the word Tempt, is what reminded her of him. Temptation was an interesting emotion; not something she herself had ever felt; and now with the prospect of facing Mr Collins once he awoke, not something she thought she was ever likely to feel. Although with Mr Darcy's dark hair and intense gaze still drifting before her she felt oddly uneasy and even slightly sick - though not in the same way that Mr Collins made her feel sick.

Before she could come to any clear understanding of her riotous thoughts she felt the carriage begin to slow and Mr Collins began to make the first sounds of stirring. Looking out of the window Elizabeth spied a small garden set before a quaint stone cottage and realised that she was home.


	4. Dreaming of what may never be

**Chapter 4:**

It was a particularly cold morning in London as Fitzwilliam Darcy sat in his study going over some estate documents that his steward had sent down to him to peruse. He'd been staring at the characters on the page for several minutes without actually taking anything in. He gave his head a small shake in an attempt to refocus his mind, but it didn't seem to make too much difference, he still couldn't seem to get the image of those beautiful eyes out of his head.

It had been several weeks since their departure from Herdfortshire; or perhaps more correctly termed – their escape; and yet Darcy still couldn't forget about Elizabeth Bennet. He hadn't realised how deeply she had ingratiated herself into his thoughts until he had returned to London. He hadn't had a single moment's peace since their return; neither awake nor asleep. Admittedly he hadn't had too much sleep of late. His dreams troubled him too much and he found it easier for his sense of calm reason to forego sleep altogether rather than risk the unwelcome, (yet vastly appealing,) images that waited for him on his pillow.

At first his dreams had just been punctuated by images of Elizabeth smiling at him or looking at him with that mischievous gleam in her eyes that seemed to melt his resolve; but of late they had taken on a whole new flavour involving intimate embraces and passion filled kisses with the object of his desire.

It was the most recent of one of these dreams that currently occupied his thoughts while he was supposed to be concentrating on business. Two nights ago he had inadvertently imitated his friend's brother-in-law, Mr Hurst, and nodded off to sleep on the sofa after dinner. He had been fighting off Sleep for several days, but in a wine filled haze, Sleep had sneaked into his brain and claimed his subconscious as Its own. Even now, sitting sedately at his desk, he could still feel the warmth of her skin beneath his fingers, smooth as silk; and the tickle of her soft brown tresses against his cheek...

After several more unproductive minutes he decided to abandon his paperwork and go in search of Bingley and his sisters in order to distract himself. Bingley had evidently gone out while he had thought Darcy to be busy; as a result, when Darcy entered the small morning parlour of his London home, he found only Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst with their heads together over what appeared to be some sort of correspondence.

Caroline immediately looked up upon his entering the room, attempting to hide the letter in her hands, but upon setting her eyes on Darcy immediately jumped up off the sofa and with long fluid strides rushed over to him. Her pointy face was flushed and though her demeanour showed agitation, her countenance seemed to radiate with malevolent glee.

"Oh Mr. Darcy, thank heaven you are come!" she exclaimed while grasping his arm such as a drowning person might do to the arm of their rescuer.

"Well as much as I appreciate the sentiment Miss Bingley, this _is_ my home and I wonder where you expected I had gone to occasion such excitement." He replied dryly while trying to extricate his coat from her vice-like clutches.

"Oh Sir, you misunderstand me! It is just that you are the very person we have needed to solve our dilemma."

"Well you know I am always at your service Miss Bingley," he said bowing over her hand as he led her back to the sofa. "How may I assist you?"

"I require your advice sir, as to how best to proceed with this matter," she said while simultaneously handing him the letter she had been holding. He was focused on the paper that she held out to him and as such didn't notice the wicked gleam that seemed to eclipse her face for an instant. He took the proffered article and began to read.

_Longbourne_

_January 18_

_My Dearest Caroline,_

_I hope that this letter finds you all well. It has been several weeks since I last had the pleasure of receiving a letter from you; I hope nothing untoward has occurred. _

_Though Hertfordshire is much the same as when you left us I confess I am feeling the loss of your friendship most keenly at present. As you may not yet be aware, my sister Elizabeth was recently married to our Cousin Mr Collins and has subsequently gone off to Kent with her new husband. After your sudden departure and now her removal, my spirits feel quite cast down. Though you mustn't suppose I wish either her or yourself anything but joy, it does make for a rather lonely existence for myself. _

_My Aunt, Mrs Gardiner, has been most kind to me and invited me to come and stay with them in London at their house in Gracechurch Street, in the hopes of lifting my spirits and distracting me from my current woes. I should be arriving in London in little over a week and shall look forward to seeing my good friends again after so long an absence. _

_If it would not be an imposition I shall look forward to calling on you as soon as may be after my arrival. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Jane Bennet._

Darcy hadn't realised how tightly he had been gripping the letter as he read, and how the paper was now rustling as his hand began to shake. Caroline had known full well that the news of Elizabeth's marriage would shock Darcy but even _she_ didn't expect to see the dark shadow that crossed over his face as he read the fateful words that Jane had written. She was almost afraid of him.

"Mr Darcy, are you quite well?" she inquired in her most delicate accents. He didn't seem to even hear her however and she hesitantly repeated the question.

Finally coming to his senses he realised that a response was necessary. "I am perfectly well, I thank you. I had not realised that you and Miss Bennet were regular correspondents."

"We are not. The last letter that I wrote to Jane was on the occasion of our departure from Netherfield. I never believed that she would follow us to London. What would you advise me do Mr Darcy? If Charles should see her again..." she couldn't quite finish the thought, not wanting to think about the consequences of that meeting.

"Perhaps if you don't reply to her letter she may feel it best not to impose on you."

"I had no intention of replying," She said resolutely, but in a more sceptical tone concluded, "that however, may not be enough to discourage her."


	5. Reunion

**Chapter 5:**

It had been nearly two and a half months since her wedding and yet Elizabeth still didn't feel at home in her new surroundings. The wedding night along with several other nights thereafter had been challenging to get through with composure, but even after two months of his continuous attentions Elizabeth was still fairly sure that her honour had not been compromised, as in general Mr Collins' ministrations didn't last long enough for him to even remove all of her clothing before achieving his own fulfilment.

At first she had just laid as motionless as possible waiting for it to all be over, but after a while Mr Collins had grown impatient with her lack of passion; (though Elizabeth felt sure that he was actually upset about his lack of stamina). Since then she had tried to show more enthusiasm, while all the time secretly hoping that his lack of performance would eventually cause him to abandon the attempt altogether.

In addition to his humiliating onslaughts on her virginity she also had to endure the seemingly ceaseless advice and interference of Lady Catherine De Bourgh. Though at first flattered by the attentions of so great a lady it had not taken Elizabeth long to realise that most of Lady Catherine's benevolence issued from her desire to be thanked as well as obeyed in all matters that came under her jurisdiction.

Mr Collins had been very excited to present his new bride to Lady Catherine on first returning to Hunsford. The introduction had not gone well. Though Elizabeth felt as though she was no longer the person she had once been, she was still herself enough to not accept Lady Catherine's strictures and advice with equanimity and because of her oft outspoken utterances Lady Catherine had taken to lecturing Mr Collins on the correct way to manage his head strong bride, much to indignation of Elizabeth.

This had caused a slight wobble in the domestic felicity of the couple, though never very propitious to begin with, it had begun to get very uncomfortable indeed. It was after one of their none too pleasant disagreements that Elizabeth had escaped, as she often did, into the woods of Rosings to walk off her ill temper before returning to her home and the idiocy of her husband, when the subject of her frustration came bounding out of the trees calling her name.

"Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Come quick! Come Quick! Mr Darcy and his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam are on their way to call on us at the parsonage as we speak! Make haste! Make Haste!" he hollered, while motioning for her to follow him.

Mr Darcy! A name that had for some inexplicable reason intruded into Elizabeth's thoughts too often over the last couple of months. She didn't fully comprehend why she had on several occasions found herself daydreaming of his tall masculine figure and the slight curve of his lips and sparkle in his eyes after she had said something particularly saucy in reply to one of his curt, often rude, utterances. She had assumed it must simply be that she was home sick, not just for her family but also for a life which she had left behind her.

But upon hearing the name said out loud her insides seem to do a most unladylike lurch and for the first time in her life she felt the urge to swoon. She grasped a nearby tree stump for support and quickly tried to gather her thoughts. 'Pull yourself together Lizzy!' thought Elizabeth. ' Mr Darcy has no doubt come all this way simply to sneer at your new reduced surroundings. As soon as he has had his laugh he shall leave us and not return. After all, you weren't handsome enough in Herdfortshire, you shall certainly be even less so now.'

After a few minutes she began to feel more composed. Her old animosity towards all things Darcy returned in full measure, and renewed her spirits sufficiently to be able to face the prospect of once again meeting with him and being introduced to his cousin, whom she was also prepared to despise as she was sure he must share his cousins puffed up pride.

Upon entering the small cottage's drawing room she was greeted warmly by a tall handsome man who resembled Darcy enough to leave no doubt in Elizabeth's mind that she was greeting his Cousin, even before the introductions were concluded. Though his happy countenance made Elizabeth hastily alter her first prejudices.

"Mrs Collins! Your humble servant." Colonel Fitzwilliam graciously bowed over Elizabeth's hand and beamed on her with a warm welcoming smile that Elizabeth felt instantly drawn to.

"Col. Fitzwilliam, it is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. We have heard so much of you from your Aunt that I confess I am very glad to finally be able to meet the true article." Elizabeth had said this with enough of her old archness to make Darcy's breath catch in his throat. "And Mr Darcy, you are welcome too."

This last part was uttered as Elizabeth began to seat herself on the small love seat and she didn't even look into his eyes as she said it. If she had she might have been surprised at the flames that seemed to lick at the centre of those normally black orbs.

Mr Darcy was unable to utter a reply to her greeting, mainly due to the fact that he still had not regained his breath after she entered the room but also because if he were to greet her he would have to call her Mrs Collins, and the very thought of it caused the bile to rise up in the back of his throat. Instead he simply bowed and seated himself again, with the almost grovelling Mr Collins who was keeping up a steady stream of uttered of inanities at Mr Darcy's feet while the greetings were exchanged.

Elizabeth had for several minutes been happily conversing with Col. Fitzwilliam who, she was thankful, only resembled Darcy in appearance and not in manners. She felt lighter than she had in months to be able to share a conversation with someone so well informed and pleasant, and was smiling fondly up at the Colonel who was seated next to herself on the love seat, when she felt the urge to look over her at her other guest. A second after she did it, she regretted it for it seemed as though Mr Darcy had been staring at her with the hopes that she would reciprocate, for as soon as the eyes met he stood up and walked towards her.

"I hope your family are all well?" he enquired.

"I thank you sir, they are," was her only reply.

"Are none of your sisters to visit you here in Kent?"

"My eldest sister is currently visiting our Aunt and Uncle in London Mr Darcy, my youngest is I believe preparing for a sojourn in Brighton as the guest of Colonel Forster and his wife as soon as the regiment leaves Meryton; and as for my other sisters, I do not believe Kent would be quite to their tastes as there are no young people in the neighbourhood whom they could befriend. You are come from London sir, did you not happen to meet my sister Jane while you were there?" she asked with a sly arch of her eyebrow. "It had been her intention of calling on her friends Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley as soon as she arrived."

Elizabeth had had her suspicions all along that together with Mr Bingley's sisters; Mr Darcy had attempted to lure his friend away from Herdfortshire as they did not approve of her sister as a potential wife for Mr Bingley. Though she had no absolute proof of this she studied his face intently to see if she could spy any small mark of embarrassment.

She was disappointed however, when he calmly replied that he had not had that pleasure, where after he coolly returned to his chair. Elizabeth tried to tease a reaction out of him by saying something humorous to his Cousin about their strange relationship; "Mr Darcy and I are not friends you see."

She, however, was the one to be shocked after the Colonel replied; "I sincerely doubt that as it from my Cousin that I have heard your numerous praises sung Mrs Collins, not my Aunt."

Elizabeth had the modesty to blush at the flattery but she also couldn't help looking rather incredulously at Mr Darcy trying to figure out why he should praise her to his cousin when he had done nothing but insult her to her face.

Long after the gentlemen had left the parsonage Elizabeth was still in a puzzle over Mr Darcy and his contradictory manners; as well as the odd feeling in her stomach whenever she was in his presence – almost as if she were falling down a well.


	6. Fruitless declaration

_**A/N: I'm afraid that this is rather a long chapter which may be either a good or a bad thing depending on your viewpoint, but it's a critical point in the story and not one I felt could be pruned back too vigorously. You will; however, notice that I have chosen to leave Wickham out of my rendition of this story. The reason being that I absolutely abhor Wickham and can barely tolerate reading him, let alone writing him; so to preserve my own sanity I'm afraid this fanfic is 100% Wickham free. I think the story as a whole will still progress satisfactorily without him but feel free to give me your opinions.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 6:**

It had been several weeks since Mr Darcy and Col. Fitzwilliam had arrived in Kent and it had become somewhat of a ritual that the two cousins would walk over to Hunsford every day to pay their respects to the humble clergyman and his rather more appealing bride. Elizabeth had become a quick favourite of the Colonel and she found his company rather enjoyable compared to what she would normally have to endure of an evening.

Despite outward appearances, Darcy was becoming even more infatuated with Elizabeth by the day. He didn't often say more than a few cursory words of greeting and mostly spent the rest of the time so absorbed in what his Cousin and Elizabeth were discussing that he didn't hear above two words that anyone else spoke to him.

His rude and rather anti-social behaviour merely confirmed Elizabeth's opinion of him as the proudest, most self obsessed gentlemen of her acquaintance. He was in point of fact being eaten up with jealousy. He knew upon entering Kent that having to watch Elizabeth and her husband together would be a serious trial, but having seen her reaction to Mr Collins his mind was set more at ease; however, he never imagined his cousin would end up becoming the source of his immense and extreme jealousy. Every smile, every laugh, every mischievous glint reflected in her warm welcoming eyes, had him squirming in agony, wishing she was surrendering herself to him in this intimate manner instead of Col. Fitzwilliam. He knew he was being nonsensical as neither of them could have her, but Darcy could see in her face that though she was married to Mr Collins he did not have her heart. If she were to bestow that on anyone he wished it to be him.

Elizabeth, unaware of the anxiety she was causing in the breast of the master of Pemberley, was meanwhile still in her husband's black books for not wanting to take Lady Catherine's latest piece of advice. He was at least pleased that she was being so agreeable to Mr Darcy and Col. Fitzwilliam. Secretly, he was also very pleased to show off his wife to these two dashing beau's, to highlight the fact that he, a humble country clergyman, had managed to marry a woman of Elizabeth's beauty and vivacity, something neither of the two handsome wealthy gentlemen could boast of.

This marital bliss however was of short duration as one afternoon, several weeks after the arrival of the two cousins in Kent, after returning from her daily walk, she had retired to her room in such a state of agitation that she had point blank told her husband that she was not able to join him for supper at Rosings; whither they were invited to dine by Lady Catherine.

Elizabeth had encountered Col. Fitzwilliam on her walk and during their idle chatter Elizabeth had learnt from the Colonel that she was indeed correct in her earlier suspicions, and that Darcy had indeed played a significant role in separating her sister from Mr. Bingley. Though the Colonel didn't mention, and was in fact ignorant of the names of the persons involved, Elizabeth knew that the circumstances he related concerning the mystery couple could only be in reference to her poor sister. She had always known that Mr Darcy didn't approve of her family but that he would go so far as to enforce his opinions and will onto that of his friend was unforgivable.

Unable to explain the source of her agitation to Col. Fitzwilliam or lash out at the man responsible, she had pretended a headache in order to escape back to the parsonage. If she was hoping for some peace to be able to examine her thoughts and feelings, she was very much mistaken as no sooner had she entered the cottage than she was set upon by her husband.

Mr Collins was so angry with his wife's refusal to attend supper that he had become quite red in the face and an angry sheen of sweat had attached itself to his glistening forehead and upper lip; but his wife remained adamant, and so he left Hunsford in a huff, worried less about his wife's apparent illness and more about how he was supposed to explain her absence to his honourable patroness, whom he knew would be most displeased.

Had Elizabeth but known what excuse he _had_ in the end settled upon, in the hopes of it being both gladly received and also as a compliment to him, she might have made more effort to accompany her husband after all.

As it was, she was soon to learn what excuse he had given, as a half hour after her husband had quit the cottage Mr Darcy had entered it with the purpose of enquiring about the health of the absentee. His face was pale and his hair ruffled after the many times he had run his fingers through it on his way over to the parsonage. Unfortunately for Mr Darcy, his was the last face that Elizabeth wanted to see at that moment and after his explanation for calling on her she was even more ill disposed towards the poor man.

"I beg your pardon for intruding on you Miss Elizabeth," (he still couldn't face calling her Mrs Collins and had taken to calling her by her Christian name instead)," I merely came to ensure that you are taking care of yourself and to offer you my felicitations." He said sombrely after he was conducted into Elizabeth's parlour.

Though the news that Mr Collins had just related to his Aunt only minutes before had cut through his heart like a lance he knew that even though she would never be his he didn't want anything bad to happen to her. Memories of his mother after she had given birth to his sister Georgiana had flooding through his mind and he immediately decided to set off for Hunsford to ensure that Elizabeth was taking the utmost care of herself.

"Felicitate me, Mr Darcy? Whatever for?" she asked rather coldly, imagining his meaning to be some veiled attempt at insulting her marriage or her family.

"On the happy news." He said, rather embarrassed to be discussing the delicate issue and even more embarrassed after the image of Elizabeth, swollen with his child, wafted through his mind's eye unbidden. But Elizabeth still seemed to be ignorant of his meaning and he was forced to be more precise. "The happy news which Mr Collins has just related to us, of your ... delicate condition."

Elizabeth nearly swallowed her tongue she was so surprised by what Mr Darcy had just said. What on earth could have prompted her husband to declare to the world at large that she was in a delicate situation when he must surely know that he had as yet failed quite persistently to make his amorous liaisons with his wife last long enough for him to even succeed in removing all her undergarments. If the situation wasn't quite so mortifying it would be almost humorous, thought Elizabeth.

"I'm afraid my husband has taken my slight head ache to be of more import that what it actually is. I thank you for the kind words but must ask that you don't mention them to anyone else" she mumbled. Her voice was barely audible over the rushing in her own ears. Her anger with Mr Darcy subsiding momentarily as her fury with her husband rushed in to replace it.

"I meant no disrespect. I understand that delicate matters such as these are not generally discussed. I simply wanted to assure myself that you will take care of yourself during this time. You are perhaps too reckless with your health at times, I think." He said, nothing but sincere compassion and concern etching his face as memories of her walking over three miles in the heat and mud simply to visit at her sisters sick bed flashed through his mind.

Elizabeth was momentarily struck by how handsome he looked when his features were thus softened and felt a strange pull in the region of her stomach, before realising that Mr Darcy still didn't seem to understand her meaning. Averting her eyes to stare at the pattern in the carpet she attempted to explain the misunderstanding to Mr Darcy.

"No Mr Darcy you mistake me. I am not trying to be polite; I am trying to tell you – _in no uncertain terms_ – that I am most assuredly _NOT 'with child'_."

Darcy seemed rather bewildered for a few moments as the tone of her voice seemed to imply the impossibility of the statement. Was it possible that after all these months Elizabeth was still...untouched? The joy that surged up inside him felt as if it would burst through his chest. He didn't know why he was so happy, after all it was surely just a matter of time before Mr Collins succeeded in his endeavours, but just the thought that the woman standing before him, though not his, was also no one else's, made him very glad.

Elizabeth couldn't help the blush from creeping up her neck and settling on her cheeks as she could see her words being understood by Mr Darcy. Though she loathed having to explain herself to this man – of all men! She loathed the thought of him believing her to be carrying Mr Collins' Child even more.

Trying to bring the conversation to a close Elizabeth remained standing, hoping to give Mr Darcy a none too subtle hint that she didn't intend to entertain him further. He however seemed oblivious to the waves of hostility and humiliation emanating from her person as he began a hurried pacing up and down of the length of the room.

His thoughts were in a tangle. He had always been sure that Elizabeth couldn't have married Mr Collins for love. He was a blithering, obsequious, nincompoop. Elizabeth was far too lively, outspoken and intelligent to be even slightly attracted to Mr Collins. But if it wasn't for love, then what on earth had possessed his Elizabeth to accept an offer of marriage from this fool? Before he could stop himself the question escaped his lips.

"Elizabeth, what possessed you to accept Mr Collins' marriage proposal?"

"Mr Darcy!" she exclaimed in shock. How dare he ask such a personal question? "How dare you sir? This matter does not concern you! You are neither my father nor my ..." but Elizabeth wasn't able to finish her angry tirade before Darcy interrupted her.

"Please Elizabeth, You must tell me why you married him! Do you love him?" he burst forth, anguish colouring his entire face.

"He is my husband and..." but once again she was interrupted.

"But do you love him Lizzy?" this time the question was more insistent, demanding an answer from her whether she wanted to give it not.

Perhaps it was his tone, or perhaps it was that he had called her 'Lizzy' which reminded her of her family and friends, but she answered his question even though she swore to herself not a few seconds before that she wouldn't. "No, I do not love him. But as my father has no sons, his estate is entailed upon on the eldest male heir – my cousin. Should anything happen to my father my whole family would be left homeless and destitute. By this one small act I have at least secured a home for my mother and sisters." She whispered, almost hoping that he wouldn't hear, but he had been hanging onto her every word.

"But surely your father is not so ill that it made this sacrifice necessary? After all one of your other sisters may still marry well. Or you...you could still have married well." He stammered.

"Though it was never her intention – as I know my sister would never be able to give herself to a man that she wasn't deeply in love with – had Jane married Mr Bingley it would not only secure Jane's future happiness but it would most probably have secured our futures as well. It would have been preferable to be beholden to a man of Mr Bingley's disposition rather than Mr Collins, but beggars you know Mr Darcy, cannot be choosers." Having regained her composure the flames of her earlier resentment towards the man before her were being fanned to new heights. "Your interference has made this step necessary and has not only caused my sister immeasurable pain but will now also result in my sister probably never marrying. She had given her heart to your friend and because of your meddling she will never know true happiness again." As the injustice of her and her sisters situation sunk in her words became more heated and she flung them at him as if they had been poisonous barbs. "If I have anyone to thank for my current predicament Mr Darcy – it is you!"

Her shots hit their mark. Darcy caught each sharp jab in his heart. Through his own interfering and judgemental actions he had lost the only woman he had ever loved. "I never knew... I never meant it that way... If I had thought she cared for him..." But this time it was Elizabeth's turn to interrupt.

"How could you know what it is to care for anyone but yourself? Your arrogance, your conceit and your selfish disdain for the feelings of others make it impossible for you feel love, warmth and compassion!" she yelled.

"But your sister showed no marked preference; indeed I watched her carefully and could detect no obvious signs of love." Though he said the words in an attempt to justify himself to her he was in fact trying to justify his actions to himself. He was sure that Jane, though sweet and artless, felt nothing but friendship towards Bingley, but that she would have married him had he asked because of his wealth. He still felt this was true, especially given Elizabeth's reason for marrying Mr Collins. He didn't want to admit to Elizabeth his main reason for interfering; namely, her unfortunate relations, though at this precise moment he realised that had Elizabeth not already been married to Mr Collins nothing would prevent him from making her his own; not her crude mother, lack of fortune or her wayward sisters.

"My sister hardly even shows her feelings to me! How could you possibly discover from a few evenings observations what it has taken me a lifetime to discern." With each word she had approached closer and closer to Darcy, driving him up against the mantle. He felt the heat radiating from her body as her chest heaved with indignation, and he could even see the feint freckles splayed across the bridge of her nose. His breath was coming in halting gasps and before he could stop himself he did the unthinkable. He firmly gripped the tops of Elizabeth's shoulders and pulled her close up to his chest.

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." His words were soft, like a caress. His warm breath played about the soft hairs at her temple, and though she could feel her heart race and her blood burn she stood as still and motionless as a statue. "Say something Elizabeth." He pleaded after several minutes.

"In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is also natural that gratitude should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude I would now thank you. But I cannot. I have never desired your good opinion and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to anyone. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration." She uttered these last words in a monotone but she couldn't divert her gaze from his face as the heat of his passion seemed to engulf them both in its misty haze; she had not yet even attempted to break free from his hold.

"And this is all the reply I am to have the honour of expecting?"

"I have ever reason in the world to think ill of you. You have ruined the happiness of a most beloved sister and you have caused me to spend the rest of my days wed to a man I despise. What would you have me say? That I reciprocated your feelings? It would not matter if I did. I am a married woman Sir; in law, if not in deed; and I would ask you to remember that." She sneered finally looking down at where his hands still painfully gripped her shoulders. It was as if by breaking eye contact that Elizabeth had broken the spell that bound them together. Darcy immediately released her shoulders and dropped his arms lamely at his sides.

"You have said quite enough Madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness." And with these words, Darcy strode past her out the door.


	7. Reminiscences

**Chapter 7: **

Elizabeth was left reeling after her encounter with Darcy. Her breath was coming thick and fast and yet it still felt as though she was suffocating. She sat down in a chair by her work-table to try and calm herself down. She couldn't believe what had just transpired. Was it more shocking that all this time Darcy had secretly been harbouring a passion for her, or that now, after nearly three months of marriage to Mr Collins, he should decide to declare himself?

Elizabeth pressed the balls of her hands hard into her eye sockets trying to remember all that was said between them; trying to decide what to make of it.

"I hate him! I know I do! How could he do this to me – to Jane! Perhaps, despite his pride and arrogance I could still have forgiven him had he not caused dear Jane such suffering, but now...never!"

And yet, as she screamed the words aloud and they echoed around the empty room, the vision of his dark eyes, filled with emotion, swam before her. His face had been pale and serious, his hands gripping her arms so tightly that she could feel her fingers beginning to prickle from the lack of blood flow, and his eyes had flamed with passion and desire as they bore into hers.

Elizabeth had to give herself a mental shake to rid herself of the image. She hastily dashed away the tears that were streaming down her wan cheeks and tried to silence the sobs that wracked her body. She had never felt so ill in her life; neither after accepting Mr Collins, nor after their wedding or their first night together. She couldn't understand why she couldn't stop shaking. She hated him, she was determined to hate him for what he had done; then why could she not stop crying?

Finally exhausted, and now with a very _real_ headache, she escaped to her room. She had been lying awake still sobbing into her pillow when she heard her husband arrive back home. She hurriedly wiped her cheeks dry and turning on her side pretending to be asleep.

Mr Collins had entered the little cottage with a winning smile and a rather joyous spring in his usually cumbersome lugubrious step. Rather than being upset with his new wife and her refusal to come to heel, he was in fact overjoyed. Mr Collins' happy gift of being able to flatter, wheedle and cajole had been put severely to task at dinner; and it seemed as if the humble clergyman had told his story of his wife's current indisposition, so candidly and enthusiastically, that he had in fact begun to believe the truth of it for himself. As such, upon entering her room and seeing his wife's beautiful form in such sweet repose, he didn't disturb her but merely shut her door again and retired to his own chamber for the night.

Both Elizabeth and Darcy spent a sleepless night going over all that was said in the little morning parlour of Hunsford parsonage that fateful evening. Elizabeth was desolate. After a whole night spent crying she had come to the realisation that she didn't despise the man so much after all. Yes he was proud, and selfish and haughty, and had treated her family and most especially Jane remarkably ill; and yet he cared for her. No, he loved her! Though Elizabeth had never loved anyone in her life she had also never been the object of anyone else's love before. Slight flirtations perhaps but never love the likes of which she saw reflected in every feature of Darcy's face the night before.

Darcy too, had never loved any woman as he loved his Elizabeth. He was crushed by the hurtful words that she had flung at him, but even more so by the truth of those words that seemed now to flow through his veins like poison. And was it not right that he should now suffer pain; he had been the cause of Elizabeth's pain? He had ruined Jane's happiness and through her he had ruined Elizabeth's as well. He had driven her to take the desperate step of agreeing to a marriage with a snivelling little runt of a man that could never deserve her not even if he lived ten life times.

As a result of his interference and his arrogance in believing that he was better able to organise his friend's life better than Bingley himself, Elizabeth now rightfully detested him, and he would spend the rest of his days trying to repair the damage he had done.

Darcy had shed many silent tears that night too. He had retired to his chamber upon returning from Hunsford, not even bothering to make his excuses to his Aunt. He had stood for what seemed like hours, at the window which looked out over the grounds of Rosings. Unlike Elizabeth, who was at the same moment reliving the events of the evening, he was lost in reminiscences of the past several months.

Though he had not realised it at the time, and would certainly have refuted it had anyone dared to suggest it, he believed he had fallen in love with Elizabeth after the first moment of laying eyes on her. Though not fine or elegant, her step was light and her whole being seemed to glow with a passion and warmth. After that first evening he wasn't able to ever rid himself of the image of her scorching eyes. All the weeks and months that had followed had been a sort of torture for him. Seeing her, but never able to get close to her. It was only after Caroline had received that fateful letter from Jane in which she informed them of her sister's marriage, that he finally realised how much he truly loved Elizabeth, so much so that it felt as if his heart would break from it.

But he had been too late. He knew this and yet still he had set off for Rosings. He didn't know what he had hoped to achieve but if he could just see her again he felt as if the dreadful pressure on his chest would lift somehow. But instead of relief he had found only fresh agony, and after all that she had revealed to him this evening he had been unable to regain control over his unbridled passion and had inadvertently declared himself to Elizabeth – a married woman, who, even were she unmarried, would not have him for all his conceit!

Finally, after hours of self recrimination and regret, as the sun slowly started to spread her watery rays along the eastern horizon lightening the inky blackness of the night, he sat down at his writing desk and set about trying to put right that which he could, as well as to determine what would become of him now that he truly knew he could never live without his Elizabeth.


	8. Explanations and expectations

_**A/N: Hi everyone! Happy New Year! Sorry it has been so long since my last update but I have been busy entertaining and visiting family over the festive season and haven't even had a minute to spare for my writing. Though unable to actually write it all down, I have at least continued to formulate the story in my head and I hope you will all approve! **_

_**Thanks again for all the comments and reviews, I really appreciate it! Keep them coming!**_

**Chapter 8:**

"My dear Madam, would you do me the honour of reading this letter?" asked Darcy. Elizabeth had gone out early the following morning for a brisk walk through Rosings Park in order to try and clear her head. Darcy had apparently been waiting for her there, for as she rounded a dense cluster of trees there he was waiting for her on the path. After her initial shock she had attempted to flee but he had seen her and purposefully strode up to her holding out a small envelope addressed to Mrs Collins. She meekly took the letter proffered, where after Darcy gave her a curt bow and then disappeared through the trees in the direction of Rosings.

Elizabeth had felt the blood rush to her face and then drain from it almost as quickly. He didn't make eye contact this morning. In fact he had glared most determinedly at an invisible something located just next to her left ear. But she could see the dark shadows lining his eyes, mirroring her own sleep deprived visage.

Though her feelings had been slightly softened towards him during her night of ruminations, especially every time she remebered the burning look of intensity in his eyes as he declared his love for her, she still couldn't forgive him. She wanted most desperately to simply burn the missive as soon as she returned home, but after several minutes in which she hadn't moved, except to turn the letter over and over again in her little hands, she eventually gave in to her curiosity.

Dear Madam,

Be not alarmed on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments which were last night so disgusting to you. I right without any intention of paining you, but you must pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it most unwillingly, but I demand it of your justice.

Last night you accused me of having, regardless of the feelings of either, detached Mr Bingley from your sister. I had not been long in Hertfordshire before I saw, in common with others, that Bingley preferred your eldest sister to any other young woman in the country. But it was not till the evening of the Netherfield ball that I had any apprehension of his feeling a serious attachment. I had often seen him in love before. At that ball, while I had the honour of dancing with you I was first made acquainted, by Sir William Lucas's accidental information, that Bingley's attentions to your sister had given rise to a general expectation of their marriage. From that moment I observed my friends behaviour attentively, and I could then perceive that his partiality for Miss Bennet was beyond what I had ever witnessed in him. Your sister I also watched. Her look and manners were open, cheerful and engaging as ever, but without any symptom of peculiar regard; and I remained convinced, from the evening's scrutiny, that though she received his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by any particular sentiment. If you have not been mistaken here, then I must have been in error. Your superior knowledge of your sister must make the latter probable. If it be so, if I have been misled by such error to inflict pain on her, your resentment has not been unreasonable. That I was desirous of believing her indifferent is certain, but I will venture to say that my investigations and decisions are not usually influenced by my hopes or fears.

I will only say further that from what passed that evening my opinions of all partied was confirmed, and every inducement heightened which could have led me before to preserve my friend from what I esteemed to be a most unhappy connection. After joining him in London his sisters and I immediately set about the task of pointing out to him the evils of such a choice. He had believed her to return his affections with sincere if not equal regard. But Bingley has great natural modesty, and a stronger dependence on my judgement than his own. To convince him therefore that he had deceived himself was no very difficult matter, and to convince him not to return to Hertfordshire was scarcely the work of a moment.

If there was any apology I could make to you or your sister to lessen the pain suffered by you both I would now make it. Instead I offer the only thing which I believe may assist in easing your sister's anguish. This morning I set about writing two letters. The first is the one currently in your possession, and the second is a letter to Bingley detailing all of which I have now related to you as well as my unjust aspersions regarding the feelings of your sister. I have explained to my friend – if he should still wish to call me friend after my meddling – that I was grossly mistaken in my assumptions and that I have it on the best authority that Miss Bennet does in fact return his affections and that it was merely her own natural modesty and timidity which had foolishly lead me to believe otherwise. How my friend shall act on receiving this communication I know not, I only hope that you shall forgive my interfering in this affair once more, knowing that my motives are only to put right what I had caused to be rent apart.

God bless you.

Fitzwilliam Darcy.

Elizabeth had read the whole letter through so rapidly that she could barely make heads or tails of it. She hungrily read it through again and again. She could not believe that Mr Darcy was actually admitting that he had been mistaken about her sisters regard for his friend; and not only had he apologised for his presumption but he had in fact promised to write to his friend, detailing his interference, as soon as may be, in the hopes that Mr Bingley's continuing regard for her sister would soon put matters to rights.

Slowly, as the words began to sink in, Elizabeth realised that she had been wrong to speak out so strongly. As wrong as it had been for him interfere in Bingley's choice of Bride, she had been none better in the warm way she had spoken to him last night. He had truly spoken from his heart, and even though – as a married woman – she could not tell him what he had obviously wanted to hear, she needn't have been so cruel. She had possibly hurt him as much as he had hurt her sister.

After the initial joy of Darcy's apology and proposed solution had begun to wane, Elizabeth's mortification at her own lack of feeling had made her feel very low and dejected, and she returned to the cottage to spend another day and night locked away in her room with nothing but her own gloomy thoughts for company.

Darcy meanwhile had returned to Rosings hoping to escape into the library with a bottle of wine, hoping that his future life, when viewed through the bottom of a wine glass, would appear not so desolate.

His Aunt however had no intention of allowing him to escape and upon his entering the house, she hastily stepped forward to gain his attention.

"Ah Fitzwilliam, there you are!" she declared.

Darcy had been so deep in thought that when she spoke he visibly startled. He hadn't seen her when he entered the foyer; and the way in which she lunged towards him with her bulging eyes and clawed fingers, it seemed as though she had just sprung out from behind the large planter to his right, like some demented spectre. She however didn't seem to notice the look of startled revulsion on her nephews face, (her high opinion of herself and her heritage always managed to preserve her from believing that it was possible for anyone to feel anything but devotion and gratitude towards her).

"Where have you been?" she demanded. "Oh Hunsford of course!" she answered herself. "Though it is your duty to interest yourself in your fellow man, I do not feel that it is entirely seemly for you to be forever visiting the house of a country parson. Why, I myself only go there but once a month, and then it is only to ensure that Mrs Collins is managing her house efficiently, as I have seen with my own eyes the wastefulness and extravagances that girl tolerates. She is rather young so I shall forgive her her naivety, and I am certain that with a bit if useful instruction from myself she will soon manage much better. If only she were not so headstrong it would of course be accomplished much sooner, but then you can't expect much more from a country girl, no doubt allowed to run quite wild at home."

During this speech she had managed to lead Darcy into the morning room, where he saw Anne sitting meekly in a corner. She was not sitting in the sun, or entirely in the shade. She was positioned closer to the fire but as there was a large screen next to her chair he didn't think she would be able to feel much heat from it. This seemed evident by the way in which she clutched her shawl about her shoulders though that could also just be a nervous habit. Her pallid features seemed to drain of what little life they had when he entered the room. Her face seemed to echo his own morbid countenance.

His Aunt had continued to prattle away at his side, alternating between veiled insults about Elizabeth, and the various means she meant to employ to rectify her. He could feel the bile rising into the back of his throat as her words seemed to bite into his flesh, but he had realised last night that there was only one way he could now ever be close to Elizabeth, in proximity if not in feeling, and he realised now that delaying the inevitable would not make the task any more palatable. With this resolution he took one last glance at his unfortunate cousin and then turning towards his aunt plunged ahead into the abyss he envisioned before him.

"Aunt, I believe there is a matter I need to speak with you about..."


	9. Misfortunes always occur in threes

**Chapter 9:**

_ Hunsford Parsonage, Kent_

_ 21 April_

_My Dearest Charlotte,_

_I know it has been an absolute age since I last wrote to you but once you read of everything that has occurred here in Kent in recent days, I feel sure you will forgive me._

_Though I hope you and your family are all well I'm afraid I cannot say the same for mine. Thought I would wish to allay your fears I'm afraid it simply is not in my power. But I fear I may have upset you with these lines so let me explain matters in the hopes that after unburdening my sorrows onto your shoulders mine will feel as light as clouds;( if only that were still possible)._

_As you are aware from my last letter, Mr Darcy and his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam have been visiting their aunt, Lady Catherine De Bourgh, our noble patroness, for the last several weeks. As you are also aware through said correspondence, it was that great Lady's wish that the two families of De Bourgh and Darcy be reunited once more, with the marriage of her daughter Anne to Mr Darcy. Though all conversation with the Lady, as well as all outward appearances, would have suggested that Lady Catherine viewed the event as a certainty, it would appear however, as though she had in fact begun to doubt that it would ever occur. Now you may well ask how I would know this. Well, the simple answer is that when the proposal was made Lady Catherine was so shocked and astounded that it proved too much for her to bear and she expired from the mere thought of it. _

_Yes, Charlotte you read correctly; Lady Catherine is dead. Our good Dr. Ford believes her heart was not strong enough to bear the excitement. I could say that that organ had never experienced such an effusion of emotion, but then as my dear sister Mary would remind me, one should not speak ill of the dead, (however deserving of it they may be.)_

_Indeed it was a somewhat sudden announcement on his part to be sure; we were all of us rather shocked by the news, but that it would prove to be Lady Catherine's undoing was something no one could have predicted._

_And though shocking as all this may seem to you, I fear it only gets worse; for upon hearing the dreadful news of his patroness's passing my husband suffered an apoplexy so severe as to render him unconscious. The doctor is not at all hopeful of a recovery and sadly believes that far from improvement he will only continue to steadily decline. I know that our marriage was never based on love, or any warmth of feeling for that matter, but to see the poor man in such a pitiable state is truly distressing. And though I try not to be, my selfish nature seems to assert itself during the periods in which I sit beside his bed, and I can't help but wonder what shall become of me should the inevitable occur. Though I know I would have no other choice than to return home to Longbourne, I have grown so used to my independence that I must confess I dread that day._

_Oh Charlotte I fear to over tax your feelings with my concerns,( Jane is far too sensitive for me to communicate all of these happenings to, for she would feel it more keenly than I,)but since writing the above I fear another calamity has befallen me. I imagine this is all some sort of punishment for my ungrateful thoughts and my unguarded tongue._

_It is not two days after Lady Catherine's demise and it would appear as if her daughter has eloped! I have this very morning received a hastily scribbled note penned by Anne herself explain her perfidy and begging me to please be the one to communicate all of this to her 'fiancé' , Mr Darcy, as she seems to feel that as Mr Darcy's friend I may be able to soften the blow. What on earth shall I do Charlotte? I believe I shall go distracted! Now, my dear friend, though normally my sense of the ridiculous would be amply rewarded by these happenings, I find that when one is so closely connected to the ordeal, the humour of it is entirely lost. Though loathing to sound like my mother, it wears one's nerves quite to the bone. _

_According to the note, Anne and her other cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam, have in fact been secretly engaged these last six years at least. Apparently the Colonel had previously applied to Lady Catherine for the honour of her daughters hand but that Lady had been so hell bent on marrying her daughter off to Mr Darcy that she flatly refused his suit. Both the Colonel and Miss De Bourgh felt that it was only a matter of time before Mr Darcy married someone else and then they felt certain that Lady Catherine would be more accepting of his proposal, owing to the fact that Anne is already nearly thirty and still unwed. But when events occurred of a few days past, it sent Anne into a flat spin and she hastily organised a midnight flight to the border with her swain! (Forgive my romanticism Charlotte; it was more of a pre-dawn escape to a neighbouring borough armed with a special licence.) Apparently Mr Darcy, though never actually receiving Lady Catherine's permission to marry Anne, regarded the matter as a generally accepted thing and didn't even bother asking Anne what her feelings were on the subject. _

_It would seem that Mr Darcy has featured as the ogre in Miss De Bourgh's fairytale, which I can assure you Charlotte, is a title he does not deserve. Mr Darcy does have his faults, (as have we all), but had she merely communicated her feelings to him I feel certain he would never have forced her into an unwanted marriage. I have begun to understand Mr Darcy better in the weeks he has been visiting his aunt and am ashamed to say that we all greatly misinterpreted his character – me most of all. _

_Though I know it would be unfair for me to say that he didn't seem to cherish much regard for either his Aunt or her daughter, he is a man – a proud man at that, and on top of all he has had to stomach he now has to suffer this added insult to injury. He has been most ashamedly used, by all concerned, and I hope with all my heart that he will be able to bear the hurt and humiliation. I must profess to be heartily saddened by the turn that events have taken and the thought that I must be the one to relate his cousins' duplicity to him makes me feel incredibly ill._

_I must ask you to please keep these details to yourself for the present. I must still write to my father to appraise him of how matters stand, but I know he would simply bid me to return home, and although I never hid from you the fact that I did not, and do not, love Mr Collins, I did take an oath before God and cannot turn my back on the poor man, (or what is left of him,) now, when he needs me the most; and as I do not know when I will have the courage to relate the above events to my family you may be forced to carry this secret for a while still._

_Pray for me Charlotte, for I fear it is only with your strength and a certain amount of heavenly intervention that I shall survive this week._

_Your ever-loving friend,_

_Elizabeth. _

Elizabeth had felt an overwhelming need to unburden herself to her dear friend. She could never have written of this ordeal to Jane, for she was likely to fall ill knowing what her dear sister had to suffer all on her own, so far away from friends and family. She had also heard recently from Jane and it appeared as if Mr Darcy's letter had indeed done its work, as Mr Bingley had called on her sister at Gracechurch Street, humbly begging her forgiveness for not visiting her sooner and re-establishing his easy friendship with her and her aunt and uncle. Jane had been in raptures over his renewed addresses, and Elizabeth was sure that with her Aunt Gardiners help and encouragement Mr Bingley would not wait long before claiming Jane as his own. This too, was another reason that Elizabeth chose to keep Jane in ignorance of the happenings in Kent, she would not be the cause of another separation between the two lovers.

Elizabeth had just finished her letter and was about to return to her husband's room to sit with him for the remainder of the morning when there was soft knock on the front door. She just managed to tidy the papers in front of her and straighten her cap, when Mr Darcy was ushered into her parlour.

"I beg your pardon for the intrusion Mrs Collins. I had heard from Doctor Ford that your husband had been struck down, and I simply wished to offer my sympathies and enquire if there was any way I may be of assistance," Said Mr Darcy, after the first greetings were exchanged. His tone was very formal but Elizabeth could detect a note of uneasiness in his manner. She too, felt the awkwardness of the situation as it was not even a week ago that Mr Darcy had stood in this very room and declared himself to be in love with her, and now he was come to sympathise with her over the illness of her husband.

But Elizabeth tried to put the thoughts of that day behind her. Not only had she forgiven him for most of what he had done and said but she had also begun to realise the hurt she must have caused him to suffer from her cold and callous treatment of him. She heartily regretted her behaviour and the only way she could see to make amends was to show him that she bore him no ill will. Sadly, she feared he would not remain long reconciled with her, as she still had a commission to attend to on behalf of Miss Anne de Bourgh and her perfidious lover.

"Your visit is not at all an intrusion Mr Darcy. It is most welcome. I am sorry I was not able to visit with Miss de Bourgh and condole with her on the passing of her mother. Instead I offer my deep sympathy and regret to you sir, on the passing of your Aunt."

"Thank you Miss Elizabeth," said Mr Darcy, "I shall certainly pass your sentiments on to my fiancé. She is coping with it as well as could be expected. This morning however she has chosen not to leave her room. I am sure it is only natural and she shall feel more herself after the funeral."

"Mr Darcy, you must forgive me for not congratulating you on your engagement with Miss de Bourgh, but after you hear what I have to relate, you will understand why." Elizabeth was so anxious about the task ahead of her that she kept turning her hands over and over again in her lap. Mr Darcy's face showed his confusion. He could clearly see the agitation writ across her face and yet was at a loss to imagine what she could possibly have to relate that would cause such angst.

"Miss Ben... I beg your pardon. Mrs Collins, whatever is the matter? Are you quite well?" he asked, concerned.

"Yes, Thank you sir, I am as well as could be expected. I simply have some very unpleasant news which it has been left for me to relate to you, which I fear may hurt and upset you greatly."

"I am sure there is not anything you have not already said to me madam that..." he spat bitterly at her, his thoughts instantly flashing back to the cutting retorts she had flung at him after his declaration of love; but she interrupted him before he could finish.

"Please sir, you misunderstand my meaning. What I have to relate is about your fiancé and your cousin Col. Fitzwilliam."

Darcy was embarrassed by his outburst, his temper and his emotions always seemed to be boiling just below the surface of late. But he was even more astounded by Elizabeth's having to speak to him of his fiancé and cousin. "Forgive me Ma'am; pray continue, I am all anticipation."

"I fear Mr Darcy, that you are mistaken in believing that Miss de Bourgh is currently cloistered in her chambers mourning her mama." She could see he was about to interrupt her, but she put her hand up in mute request that he let her continue. "I know this to be so for I have this morning received a letter from her, detailing her whereabouts. Upon first receiving this letter I believed it to be in reference to my husband's illness, but after reading it through I was more shocked than I can say." Once again she wrung her hands in her lap, but all the while continued to study his face, which was growing more confused and impatient every minute. "Mr Darcy, your Fiancé wrote to me, begging me to explain her actions to you in the hopes that in hearing it from a friend, a true friend sir," she added in an aside, "that it may ease your suffering."

"For God's sake Elizabeth! Tell me!" he yelled.

"Forgive me sir, but your Fiancé and your cousin have been secretly betrothed these last six years. Your Aunt would never agree to a match, mostly because she still held out the hope that you would marry Anne, but also, as Col. Fitzwilliam is but a younger son, he was not deemed worthy enough for her. After your proposal and your Aunts unfortunate reaction to it, Anne and your cousin felt that their only hope would be to elope as soon as possible. Thither they are now gone, and by this time are probably already wed." Elizabeth braced herself for whatever his reaction may be. She now knew that beneath his calm, seemingly indifferent exterior, pulsed a passion the equal of which she had never experienced, and she waited now with baited breath for the storm to break.

Darcy had struggled to take in her words. At her first mention of some dreadful news he had been concerned that something dreadful had befallen his cousins, but now he truthfully seemed more concerned in examining the dark shadows beneath her once lively eyes, and lines of worry and sorrow etched on her face. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his consciousness her words seemed to reverberate however.

"They did what! What on earth for?" he eventually asked.

"I am sure they felt it was their only escape."

"Escape Miss Bennet?" he had mistakenly used her maiden name but she didn't bother to correct him. She could see the fire smouldering in his eyes, as it had done not a week since, and she knew he would not wish to hear her speak her name as Mrs Collins.

"Escape from me, you mean. Am I such a beast, such a fiend, than I would force an unwilling bride down the aisle simply to safeguard my own pride? Is this truly what you and my cousins think of me?" Elizabeth's face seemed to blanch at the word 'pride' as it was one she had spat at him several times that fateful evening not so long ago. Darcy did not miss her reaction either and after a second of consideration he leant back in his chair and sneering at her continued; "That's it, isn't it Ma'am. My unbelievably inflated pride would be so hurt by their avowal that I would force myself on her simply to avoid being humiliated in the eyes of the fashionable world."

He seemed to ask it of her as a question though he didn't seem to actually want an answer, but she was determined to give him one none the less. She understood why his anger was directed at her and knew that she deserved some part of it after her cruel treatment of him, but she wanted him to understand that whatever his cousins believed, she no longer shared their opinion

"Yes, perhaps that is what they believed. But that would only be because they do not know you as I do." She felt a bit timid after blurting out those words, but she was glad she had said them all the same. They seemed to have the desired effect as the she saw the flames begin to recede from his impassioned glare. After a long pause he continued.

"A true friend Miss Bennet?" he asked, recalling her words of earlier.

Elizabeth stood up and swiftly walked over to him, where she knelt down beside his chair. Though she knew what she was about to do went against all social dictates; her life had become so swamped by propriety, family obligation and etiquette, that she longed to show him part of herself that was real and sincere. She gently placed her small hand on his arm before replying; "It is all I can offer sir."

He felt his heart throb at the feel of her hand on his arm which seemed to burn like fire, scorching right through his coat. Before she could pull it away he covered it with his other free hand and firmly clutched her delicate fingers. "It is enough Elizabeth," he replied breathlessly.

They sat in this attitude for several minutes, Darcy trying to read a deeper meaning in her eyes, before Elizabeth stood up and gently reclaimed her hand. Darcy didn't stop her but he felt the loss of her soft skin cruelly. She had turned and walked towards the window at the other end of the room. She gently twisted her head over her left shoulder to look at him before she enquired; "What will you do now Mr Darcy?"

He looked up at her silhouetted form while still balling his fingers into a fist to ease the burn that her hand had left behind. "I shall return to London. I believe Mr Bingley to still be there... for the present. He has almost completely forgiven me for my interference and will undoubtedly be willing to renew our friendship"

"Are you not angry with them?"

"With Anne and Richard?" he asked mournfully. Elizabeth nodded her assent. "They are able to now declare their love for one another openly, and spend the rest of their days basking in their mutual affection. Would I could do the same. No Elizabeth, I envy them."

Elizabeth turned away at his words to once again stare out of the windows into her little garden. Darcy knew she wouldn't appreciate the allusion to his own feelings and after closing his eyes in pain for a brief minute, he obliged her by changing the topic of conversation. "And what of you... Mrs Collins?" She noticed his renewed use of her married name and took it as a sign that he had once more regained control of his emotions. "What will you do now? Once Richard and Anne return to Rosings they shall have to set about seeking for a new rector to serve in your husband's stead. That being said, the parsonage shall be required for the new rector's accommodation."

Elizabeth felt ill at his words. She had just begun to look on the little cottage as her own and now she would be forced to leave it. She hadn't thought to have to leave Hunsford. But she knew that Mr Darcy was right. They could not continue to live there while Mr Collins lay prostrate in his bed, unconscious to all the world around him. But where would they go? Perhaps once Jane and Mr Bingley are married, he may consent to take them in, but that would not be for some time still. In the interim she would have no other choice but to return home. The prospect did not appeal to her and she felt her spirits begin to sink at the very thought.

She had been staring out the window for some time in abstracted thought, meditating over her options, and hadn't noticed that Darcy had stood up and approached her.

"Where shall you go," he asked her gently. She turned abruptly at the nearness of his voice and smiled weakly up into his pale face.

"I shall have to return home. There is nowhere else for us to go. Though I wish with all my heart there was."

"But shall you not enjoy having the support of your family and friends during such a difficult time?"

"I shall not hesitate to confide in you, that sometimes my family can be more of a trial than a support." She continued to smile shyly at him but she spoke with enough of her old archness that he couldn't help but return her smile.

"I would not wish to be presumptuous Miss Elizabeth, but as a friend, I would like to help you... and your husband." Elizabeth looked at him expectantly, hoping against hope that he may be able to save her from her fate.


	10. A friend in need is a friend indeed

_**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews! They are much appreciated. I know I have been giving a lot of you heart failure with my angst-filled chapters so I hope this one will mellow you all out a bit. I also hope I'm not spoiling you all too much with my speedy updates, but the truth of the matter is that my leave is almost over and I shall shortly have to return to work; when that happens I don't know how much time I shall have for writing. So, as they say, I am 'making hay while the sun shines.'**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**P.S. Please review! I really don't want to waste either of our time by writing something that no-one enjoys.**_

**Chapter 10:**

Elizabeth had been staring out of the window lost in a myriad of images that seemed to swim through her mind, ebbing and flowing with the gentle rocking of the carriage. The past few days had seemed to pass in a blur. So many things seemed to have occurred in such a short space of time that Elizabeth was still trying to come to grips with it all. Across from her in the carriage sat Miss Darcy and her companion Mrs. Annesley. Darcy had brought them down from London for their aunt's funeral as well as companions for Elizabeth on her journey to Town. Alongside the carriage rode a large black stallion, sleek and muscular; Elizabeth tried not to stare too hard at the horse lest her eyes betray her, as they so wanted to do, by straying onto the lithe figure mounted atop him. Mr Darcy had insisted on riding alongside the procession as it made its ponderous way towards London.

Following behind in Lady Catherine's Barouche box was Mr Collins' inert form, laid as comfortable as possible and being attended to by a footman from Rosings. He had still not stirred a muscle since his first seizure, and Dr Ford did not feel that his services were necessary for Mr Collin's recuperation or comfort, as he did not think that a journey of over fifty miles was likely to do Mr Collins any harm, (or any good either, had that good mans opinion been asked.) Dr Ford didn't hold with expensive London physicians, believing that all the extra benefit that may be derived from them would be undone by the toxic London air soon after.

But despite Dr. Ford's misgivings, thither they were bound, in search of medical advice from some of London's most prominent doctors. Darcy had promised to assist Elizabeth and her husband by taking them to stay at his townhouse in London and ensuring Mr Collins receive the best treatment available. Elizabeth had been so eager for any opportunity that would mean she didn't have to return to Hertfordshire, (or if she were being entirely honest with herself – that would mean she did not have to quit Mr Darcy's company,) that she accepted Mr Darcy's proposal and pleaded that they set off as soon as may be. Whatever his assumptions may have been about her motives he agreed that it would be best if they set out for London directly after the funeral. He had been overjoyed by her acceptance of his offer, and though cautious he hoped that it meant she no longer thought so very ill of him as she once had.

Elizabeth leaned back against the soft velvet cushions inside the carriage trying to puzzle out why the man who, a week ago, she had hated with her very soul, she now sought out his company and was eager to please and comfort him. She had not missed the warm glow of joy that had eclipsed his features after she had accepted his invitation, and it made her feel better to know that though she was not allowed to love him she could at least bring him some kind of happiness.

Soft snores were emanating from the far corner where Mrs Annesley's head had gently lolled against the carriage door. Miss Darcy had also been sleeping but as Elizabeth's tired gaze drifted to her she noticed her clear hazel eyes examining her face.

"I hope I did not wake you?" whispered Elizabeth.

"Not at all. The road appears to be a bit uneven after the rain of last night, and though my brother's carriage is wonderfully sprung I still find it a little jarring. I do hope the rest of the journey will not be as bad. I fear my head is beginning to ache." Elizabeth couldn't help but smile at the young girl, who despite her mature stature reminded Elizabeth so much of her childish younger sisters.

Mr Darcy had brought his sister around to Hunsford parsonage, to make Elizabeth's acquaintance, as soon as he had returned to Kent after fetching her from London.

"May I introduce my sister to your Mrs Collins?" he had asked, as he stepped forward into her little morning parlour and bowed in greeting. She had been surprised when the maid had announced his name and the delicate flush that had reddened her cheeks had still not faded entirely when they entered.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Miss Darcy." Elizabeth curtsied and extended her hand to welcome the young lady into the room, "I'm sorry it is under such sad circumstances."

"The honour is mine Mrs Collins." Miss Darcy curtsied in reply. " My brother has often spoken fondly of you; I am glad to finally have the honour of making your acquaintance," replied Miss Darcy shyly, barley raising her eyes to meet Elizabeth's before hurriedly averting her gaze to stare at her rather crushed travelling frock. Elizabeth had been surprised that Darcy hadn't even allowed his sister the chance to freshen up before setting off with her to Hunsford.

"If you'll excuse me Mrs Collins, I believe from your maid that Dr Ford is currently with your husband. I wish to speak with him regarding the preparations that need to be made for that gentleman's removal to town." With this speech he excused himself, closing the door gently behind him.

The two women were left standing somewhat awkwardly in the weak afternoon sunshine that was streaming in through the windows. Elizabeth could tell at a glance that like her brother, Miss Darcy was painfully shy, but where as he had had several years experience trying to converse with strangers, his sister had not. She had obviously led a fairly sheltered existence, and judging by the deep crimson flush that suffused her normally delicate ivory cheeks she had not had much experience in being left to converse with a stranger all by herself.

Elizabeth wanted to make her feel more at ease and after offering her a seat and some tea, tried to entice her into conversation by mentioning various common places, such as the weather and the state of the roads. To each of these topics she received polite replies but no attempts on Miss Darcy's side to further the conversation. Eventually Elizabeth, struggling for another subject, introduced one which she felt Miss Darcy would be sure to respond to.

"I have been told by your brother and by your friend, Miss Bingley, that you are fond of music and play exceedingly well."

"I am fond of music and do practice a great deal in the hopes of improving. But my brother has told me that he has really heard anything as beautiful as _your_ playing Mrs Collins."

"Well," she began, blushing slightly in spite of herself, "I shall be sure to thank your brother for his kind flattery but I am sorry to say that he has grossly overestimated my talents Miss Darcy. I believe in fact that on the particular occasion of your brother being unfortunate enough to have to endure my playing, your Aunt Catherine remarked something about my lack of taste and proficiency; and though I would normally hate to admit it, I'm afraid in this instance she was entirely accurate and honest in her censure."

"Aunt Catherine was always fond of finding fault with those whom she secretly envied." This was said so artlessly that for a moment Elizabeth had not been sure she had heard correctly. Could the shy timid girl before really have uttered such a sassy retort? But then Georgiana's face exploded in a riot of scarlet blushes and she hastily stammered out an apology.

"I am not at all offended Miss Darcy. Though I know it would not be considered polite in genteel circles to speak ill of the dead, I find it rather ridiculous to pretend to have a regard for someone one cared very little for, either alive or dead." This little speech caused Georgiana's eyes to bulge until she saw the look of mirth that Elizabeth had thrown her and realised she was being teased. As she took in Elizabeth's softened expression she couldn't help but speak her mind again, as Elizabeth's smiling eyes entirely disarmed her.

"I sometimes wish I had sister. It would be such a comfort to have someone that could understand what you were thinking before you even spoke your thoughts. Would you be dreadfully upset with me if I called you Elizabeth?"

"Of course you should call me Elizabeth! And if you will permit me, may I call you Georgiana?"

"Oh yes please," replied the young girl, her hazel eyes sparkling with delight. Her whole face seemed to soften and her body relax as she instantly opened herself to Elizabeth's banter.

They had been chatting cosily together several minutes when Darcy eventually returned. Before he had opened the door he had heard their soft voices and the trill of their light laughter. He also noted with a small curve of his usually austere lips, that they were calling each other by their Christian names. He envied his sister her intimacy with Elizabeth, and though he had often spoken her name, he had yet to hear how his name sounded on her lips. Hurriedly rearranging his features, he pushed open the door and entered at last.

"Mrs Collins, thank you for entertaining my sister. I fear my cousins are only planning on returning to Rosings later this evening and I would not have liked my sister to be left alone there while I made preparations for our journey. My sisters companion, Mrs Annesley, retired to bed as soon as we arrived; she was feeling rather pulled after our journey." He said, smiling kindly at her.

"Of course Mr Darcy, I had forgotten that Rosings was deserted at present. It just so happens that I have found in Georgiana a kindred spirit. I trust your arrangements with Dr Ford were satisfactory?" she said as she raised her delicate eyebrows, begging him to understand the hidden meaning in her words.

He seemed to comprehend as he replied; "He does not feel there to be any danger in transporting your Husband to London. As such he has decided not to accompany us on the journey. I'm afraid he does not hold out much hope of a London doctor being able to offer your husband any better care than he could do here in Kent."

"Yes, he did seem a bit put out when I mentioned it to him earlier. Do you really feel that is worth all the trouble of trying sir? I am putting everyone to such great bother and expense; I do not how I shall ever repay you and your sister for your kindness." Her eyes were warm as they seemed to embrace him. He felt a small stab of jealousy as her eyes eventually left his face and she directed her smile at his sister, to indicate that she shared her gratitude; he selfishly wanted all of Elizabeth's smiles for himself, even if they were only offered in friendship.

Later that same evening, after they had arrived back in Kent, after his sister and his cousin Anne had retired after supper, Darcy and the Colonel ensconced themselves in the study over a bottle of port. Darcy had been rather formal and distant to his cousins since their return. Anne at least had the conscience to look guiltily into her plate while dinner passed in relative silence, but Richard had defiantly stared straight at Darcy during the whole of the charade. He had been waiting to have some time alone to talk to his cousin.

"Darcy, I make no apologies for what I did. I was a man in love and I had had to stand idly by for the last several years watching how our Aunt bullied Anne and constantly dragged her before your notice. I never in my wildest dreams believed you would entertain her fantasies and capitulate! I had to act, and so I did. I admit it was brash and perhaps ill judged of me, but I'm glad that I did it. Anne is mine by law and no one can now prevent us being together." After this impassioned speech he downed his port in one gulp and then coyly seated himself beside the fire, nervously eyeing Darcy all the while.

"Well say something, dammit Darce!" roared the Colonel, after his speech was followed by nothing but complete silence from his cousin.

"What would you have me say Richard? Congratulations? Well done on making me into a laughing stock?"

"Come on Darce, that's doing it rather too brown! The announcement hadn't even been sent to the papers yet, and after all it's not as though you even asked Anne. If you had, she might have spared you this embarrassment and explained the matter fully. But you applied to Catherine before even asking her wishes; she believed you and the old lady to be in cahoots. Little wonder she feared to confide in you!"

"That explains Anne's secrecy, but what of you? You are like my brother Richard. The one decent person, other than Georgiana, that I can call a relation, and yet you have such little faith in me! Six years? Did I not at least deserve some measure of trust from you?"

"I know I behaved reprehensibly, and I have no excuse to make other than that love makes you do stupid things; things, which if you were thinking clearly you would probably never do. I was afraid that you and your damned sense of propriety would try and talk me out of it; that you may even possibly side with my father and brother. I love her from the very pit of my soul Darce. In truth I have loved her for more than six years; it just took me a while to convince her that she shared my feelings." He finished with a mischievous glint in his dark eyes and a smirk around his lips. "You'll understand one day if you're lucky enough to find someone who bewitches you as Anne does me." He had stood up and faced Darcy, who was leaning stonily against the marble mantelpiece. He gripped his shoulder before extending his right hand in an expression of truce.

Darcy hesitated for a few seconds before grasping the proffered hand and receiving a resounding clap on the shoulder as thanks.

"Now what's all this I hear from Georgie of you taking it upon yourself to transport Mrs Collins and her husband to London to visit one of your high priced physicians?" he asked, pouring himself another port and sitting down again beside the fire.

"Dr Ford does not know if he will ever improve but if there was something that could be done for him my Doctor shall know what it is."

"Well by all means, bring the fellow here Darce. What on earth would you want to go traipsing halfway across England for?"

Darcy didn't reply but merely swirled the contents of his glass around, making the fluid glow like blood in the reflected light of the fire. Comprehension seemed to dawn on Richards face as he continued to examine Darcy. "Oh, so that's the way wind blows, does it?" he eventually asked.

Darcy still maintained his stony silence, his only reply to clench his jaw in aggravation.

"You might have said something."

"Keeping secrets must be a family trait," spat Darcy.

Richard let out a loud guffaw and slapped his knee in mirthful appreciation. "Touché cousin! Touché!"

As his merriment died away his brow seemed to wrinkle in confusion. "But if that's the case then why on earth would you try and _help_ the husband at all?"

"Richard!"

"Well it's not as if you caused this to happen. No one would blame you if the parson were to perish."

"Technically you could say that I did."

"Oh Nonsense! I was growing tired of Aunt Catherine's refusals in any case. If she hadn't given her permission soon I would probably have run off with Anne anyway – that would have given the old lady a heart attack, make no mistake."

"Richard. She needs my help and support. If all I can be is a friend to her then that shall have to suffice. Why do you think I offered for Anne in the first place? So that I could remain here in Kent, to be close to Eliz...Mrs Collins." Responded Darcy wearily. "But now, as the new master of Rosings, you shall shortly have to set about finding a new rector to take Mr Collins's place, and as such, Mrs Collins would have to find other lodgings in any case. This way, at least, it is one less thing for her to fret over."

"Well Darcy, I hope you aren't going to be the one to suffer for your kindness."

"I suffer every day I see her Richard; at least I may now know that my presence in her world is at least doing her some good even if it does nothing to ease my suffering. After all, who should suffer but myself."

"Darcy, you take too much on yourself. I don't profess to know Mrs Collins as well as you do, but she is a strong lively woman who, I'm sure, knew exactly what she was getting herself into when she married that fool."

Darcy slammed his glass down on the mantle with a resounding crash. "You do not know of what you speak!" he yelled. "It is my fault that she had to marry him at all; the least I can do is ensure that that aberration is all she has to suffer!" With these words he stormed from the room slamming the door behind him so violently that it nearly ripped from its hinges.

Colonel Fitzwilliam merely relaxed back into his chair by the fire and examined his glass of port in much the same manner Darcy had done earlier. "The poor man is lost," he said whilst gently shaking his head. After a few moments he downed his second glass of wine and smiling impishly continued; "It's about time."


	11. Out, damned spot!

**Chapter 11:**

Darcy's London home was exquisite. Elizabeth had heard Miss Bingley's praises about Pemberley, and now after seeing his townhouse, she could quite believe that they must be true. She thought that once they arrived she would be too tired to take in much of anything, but it was all just so splendid she couldn't tear her eyes away.

Mrs Annesley once again retired to her room immediately after they arrived. She requested Mr Darcy's housekeeper, Mrs Croft, to have a bowl of soup sent up to her room as her supper. Georgiana was still complaining of a headache, which although made worse by the shaking of the carriage, she claims had begun during her Aunts funeral service, (a long drawn out affair despite the few attendees). She too retired to her chambers requesting soup and solitude.

Darcy's butler and several of his footmen were in the process of carrying the immobile Mr Collins upstairs to one of the guest suites, and Mrs Croft was distractedly trying to organise all of the trucks to be brought up to the correct rooms. As a result, Elizabeth was left standing in the entrance hall admiring all she saw and feeling rather lost.

It was while she was waiting for the bustle to die down that Mr Darcy entered the house. He of course immediately noticed her standing to one side, so that she wouldn't be in the way of the footmen, and hastened over to her side.

"Mrs Collins, pray where are my sister and Mrs Annesley that you are left here all alone?" he enquired.

"Please do not be angry with them sir, they are both feeling decidedly poorly after the journey and I bid them retire to their rooms as soon as we arrived. I'm sure your housekeeper will see to my needs as soon as she has discharged her other errands."

"Well until then Miss Elizabeth, may I invite you into the drawing room for a glass of sherry, to revive you?"

"Thank you Mr Darcy, I profess I am in earnest need of reviving."

After a few tense minutes while they silently sipped their wine, Mrs Croft arrived to show Elizabeth to her room, so that she could refresh herself before supper. Realising that it would only be her and Mr Darcy that would be sitting down to supper, Elizabeth politely requested that a tray be sent up to her room instead. She would rather have joined Mr Darcy in the dining room but she knew that eating alone with an unmarried man, in his house, was not proper, and so she consigned herself to her chambers for the night, though she didn't believe she would get much rest.

Darcy's cook was decidedly put out, after all the effort he had gone to, his food was either rejected forthright or dispatched on trays, only to return looking much as it had done when it left the kitchen.

The following morning brought two much sought after visitors. The first came in the form of Jane. Elizabeth had written to her sister shortly before her departure from Kent, informing her of her plans and the reasons behind them. Jane, bitterly distressed by the news, had luckily only had to suffer for one night and had made sure that she set out to Grosvenor Square as soon as she felt her sister would be awake. So prompt was she that she arrived midway through breakfast and as such was announced in the dining room.

"Miss Bennet! What a pleasant surprise. Will you not join us for some breakfast?" announced Mr Darcy as he stood up to welcome their guest.

Curtsying Miss Bennet replied; "Thank you Mr Darcy, but I do not wish to further disrupt your meal, I only wanted to speak with my sister. I believe she is staying here, is she not sir?"

"She is Miss Bennet. We arrived long after night fall last night and Mrs Collins seemed rather tired. It would appear that she has overslept this morning, but I requested my staff to leave her be that she may catch up on her much needed rest."

"Thank you Mr Darcy. From all that my sister has related in her letter to me, you have been a most kind and generous friend to her and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart." With these words she rushed forward and firmly clasped Mr Darcy's large hand in both of her own whilst bestowing on him her warmest smile.

Not at all used to such shows of emotion Darcy looked pleadingly towards his sister for assistance. Georgiana had recovered well during her nights repose and seeing her brother's distress at being thus thanked she couldn't hide a mischievous smirk.

"May I show you to her chamber Miss Bennet?" asked Georgiana, rising from her chair.

Jane was eager, but slightly unsure, as she looked around to see who had spoken, and her gaze came to rest on the form of the lovely Miss Darcy.

"May I introduce my sister to you Miss Bennet?" announced Darcy, thankful for Georgiana's propitious aid which meant Jane releasing his hand, though he was quite startled to see Georgiana taking the initiative to speak to a strange woman whom she had not even been introduced to.

"Oh, Miss Darcy, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," responded Jane while making a polite curtsy. "I would be grateful if you could show me the way."

Georgiana instantly led her out of the room and up stairs to the door of Elizabeth's chamber. "I'm sure there is much you wish to discuss with your sister; I shall leave you, but please don't hesitate to ring for the housekeeper if there's anything you or Elizabeth may desire." And with that she curtsied again and departed just as Jane was gently rapping on Elizabeth's door.

Elizabeth had indeed overslept. Despite her exhaustion she had only fallen asleep well after three-o-clock that morning. When she heard the soft knocking at her chamber door she instantly started awake.

"Please come in," she shouted hoarsely, her throat dry. She quickly tried to straighten her hair and night gown, but as the door was pushed ajar and she saw the pale face of her favourite sister framed in the doorway, she let out a most unladylike cry of joy and bounded out of her bed and ran towards Jane. The two sisters embraced warmly before Jane in her solicitousness drew Elizabeth back inside the darkened room lest she be observed in her nightclothes.

Elizabeth ran across the room and opened the heavy brocade curtains and then begged Jane to join her on the window seat.

"Oh Jane! How I have wanted you." She exclaimed grabbing hold of Jane's hands causing her reticule to swing wildly on her wrist.

"Oh Lizzy, why didn't you send for me the instant it occurred? You know I would have come as soon I had packed a trunk!"

"That is precisely why I didn't send for you. Do you think I would be the one responsible in parting you from Mr Bingley?"

"Lizzy, do be serious! What you must have suffered," she admonished, returning the clasp that her sister had of her hands. "How does Mr Collins?"

"He has not improved. He made the journey to London tolerably enough and Mr Darcy assured me that he would send for his Doctor as soon as possible."

"Poor Mr Collins," uttered Jane, looking down at her sisters hands miserably. Elizabeth was sure she could even detect tears in her sister's eyes.

"Jane, though I would not wish my husband to suffer I fear I can not be as touched by his plight as you appear to be."

Jane looked scandalised by her sister's proclamation. "Lizzy! He is your husband!"

"In name only Jane. You know as well as I, I never cared for him when I married him; I assure you that four months in his constant company have only weakened the little regard that I did have for him. I know I was as much of a disappointment to him as he was to me. I believe that in the end he regretted our union more than I did!"

"But Lizzy, you cannot wish for him to die?"

"Of course not! I only sometimes wish that he may never wake up!" replied Elizabeth, blinking innocently up into her sister's face.

Jane didn't bother trying to reprimand her sister a second time but merely glared at her from underneath knit eyebrows. After Elizabeth decided, in the interests of sisterly affection, to stop tormenting her elder sibling and changed the subject, the two sisters spent the next hour blissfully chatting away about all that had occurred in their respective lives. Elizabeth had encouraged Jane to divulge every detail of her reunion with Mr Bingley. Likewise Jane eventually managed to get Elizabeth to relate to her all that happened in the four months since the two had last seen each other, (though Elizabeth pointedly left out the part about Mr Darcy being in love with her.)

Their cosy tête-à-tête was eventually interrupted when a young maid appeared to inform Elizabeth that Dr Ashforth had arrived, and wished to speak with her after he had finished examining Mr Collins.

Elizabeth bid Jane a heartfelt farewell and promised to call on her and her Aunt and Uncle in Gracechurch Street as soon as was possible. Once Jane had departed, Elizabeth hastily dressed and halfway through brushing her hair the maid reappeared to assist Elizabeth in her preparations.

"That's quite alright; I shall manage. You may return to your other duties, I wouldn't wish to keep you," said Elizabeth.

"If you please ma'am, Mrs Croft hired me on Mr Darcy's say so; that I am to be your maid and see to all your needs," entreated the maid, bobbing a curtsy and bowing her little round head as she spoke.

Elizabeth didn't have the energy to argue and as such let the poor girl continue. She was touched that Mr Darcy would have instructed the housekeeper to engage a servant simply to wait on her hand and foot, but also noted that it was just like him to arrange things as he saw fit without asking her first. She shook her head and smiled wistfully as she thought that previously she would have just seen it as further evidence of his high handedness, but now she knew he did it only to see to her comfort because he cared so much.

After she was finished her toilette she went down stairs to Mr Darcy's study where she had requested her maid to direct Dr Ashforth as soon as he was ready to speak with her. She didn't have to wait very long before being joined by the distinguished Doctor.

"Mrs Collins, I presume?" He was a fairly short, plump, little middle-aged man, whose thinning hair had been slicked flat across his flushed scalp, and who possessed sharp steely eyes and stony countenance.

"Yes Dr Ashforth, it is a pleasure. How do you find my husband sir?"

"He is much as I expected to find him Ma'am; though I have not given up hope. There are some more recent techniques and remedies which I am eager to try and which I feel may be of benefit."

"So he could still recover his senses?" she asked hesitantly.

"I wouldn't wish to encourage you to hope Mrs Collins. The treatment I wish to pursue is not yet widely tested and the documented results have been erratic to say the least, but it is the best hope we have, and must pray that it will help."

"I understand Doctor. Thank you for your kind attention." With that, she curtsied, bidding him good day.

"I beg your pardon Mrs Collins, but I did not request to speak with you merely to discuss your husband's well being. Mr Darcy particularly requested me to see to you before I left. He appears to be concerned for your health Madam; and I must say that looking at your rather wan and lachrymose features I can see why. I think I shall prescribe a sedative Mrs Collins, which should assist you in getting some much needed rest."

Elizabeth was slightly taken aback by the doctor's words. "That is not necessary Dr Ashforth. It _has_ been a trying few days, but now that I know my husband is in such good hands I feel much more at ease already. I feel certain that my spirits shall recover and my sleep return in full measure."

"Well Mrs Collins," harrumphed the good doctor, "I shall return tomorrow to begin your husband's treatment. Should you change your mind I shall give you the sedative then. Good day to you Ma'am." And with a sharp bow he turned and left the room.

Elizabeth felt tired, it was true. She hadn't slept well ever since Mr Darcy professed his love for her; and as the days wore on her behaviour to him on the fateful day had continued to eat away at her.

She had been standing before the fire, lost in idle thought, when she heard the door open and turning saw Mr Darcy halt on the threshold.

"Miss Elizabeth, I beg your pardon. I didn't wish to interrupt your solitary reverie. I was looking for a document I left in my bureau, but I shall look for it another time." He made to close the door again but Elizabeth stopped him.

"Please don't go Mr Darcy. I fear to be left alone with my own thoughts these days. They bring me nothing but misery." She turned her head away as she said it so that he couldn't quite see the look of sadness that stole across her face, but he didn't need to. The tone of her voice was enough to pull at his hearts strings and he found himself irresistibly drawn into the room towards her.

"Miss Elizabeth, are you unwell? Did Dr Ashforth not have good news for you? I thought I understood from that worthy gentleman that there was still hope of..."

"No, it isn't that Mr Darcy. Thank you for your concern; for my husband's well being as well as my own." She gave him a knowing look and a weak smile to show that she bore him no ill will for his kindly interference. She was touched by his concern, now that she understood it for what it was, though she felt she little deserved anything of the kind from him.

"Then what has you looking so pale Miss Elizabeth? Not bad news from your sister I trust? I had understood from Bingley that the two of them are entirely reconciled, and I believe he is eager to make her an offer as soon as your father's consent may be gained."

"That is truly wonderful news Mr Darcy! Thank you for sharing it with me; it has brightened my day considerably," she said beaming at him. By now he had walked across the room to join her before the fire. As he got closer she once again tried to hide her face, she knew that the gentleman was able to read too much in her unguarded visage, but this he wasn't able to tolerate; he gently extended his fingers towards her soft cheek and by the slightest hint of pressure forced her to look into his face.

"If not that, then what is the matter Elizabeth? Tell me." He asked it so gently, so reverently but there was a hint of a command in his tone, as if he would have the truth out of her one way or another.

"It is my own conscience, sir, that plagues me, and that is scarcely to be escaped from, no matter how hard I try."

"Your conscience? Pray forgive me, but what is it that _you_ have done that eats so away at your conscience?"

"You are determined to think well of me Mr Darcy, and I am grateful for it. But I can not be so lenient with myself. The sad choices I have made in my short life have led me to this impasse, and now it is only right that I flagellate myself for them."

"No! There is nothing you have done which could deserve such self recrimination!" he shouted, grabbing her by her shoulders and turning her around to face him.

"Oh Mr Darcy, with friends like you one is entirely at risk of believing oneself to be without fault. But that, sadly, is so very far from the truth that, were it not so closely concerning me, would be almost laughable."

Before she could continue, he interrupted, "You _are_ Elizabeth." She shook her arms free of his grasp and turning her back on him continued.

"Please Mr Darcy, hear me out before casting your judgement," she declared whilst staring at the intricate design of the carpet beneath her slippers. "I could forgive myself for agreeing to marry Mr Collins; after all I was simply obeying the wishes of my father, such as any dutiful daughter might, however much the idea repulsed me.

"I could forgive myself for being angry with you when you disclosed your feeling to me, as at the time you were in the wrong to have acted the way you did towards your friend and my sister. I will eventually forgive myself for the hateful words that I spat at you on that occasion too, but only by showing you how altered my feeling are towards you now.

"But here my conscience pricks at me, gnaws away at my heart like a dog at an old marrow bone; that I would stand here in your house, in your very study, with my husband's unconscious form in the room above my head, and wish with all my heart that he had died all those days ago! That I would be rid of him! That I may now allow myself to succumb to my heart's desire and allow you to envelop me in your loving embrace, as I know you are so near to doing." She now turned around to face him, the flames of desire dancing in her eyes and her breathe coming in ragged gasps.

"What think you of me now Sir? The ungodly woman that I am; to wish for my husband's death so that I may replace him with another? Am I still so deserving of your good opinion."

In one swift motion he reached her and pinned her against the wall, his hands cupping her face and his eyes hungrily devouring her. "Do you truly mean it Lizzy? Say it, say the words, I beg you," he breathed huskily into her ear before again staring so deeply into her eyes as if attempting to pluck the truth from their earthy depths.

Elizabeth was on the verge of giving in to the overwhelming force of his stare, and utter the words that had been like thorns in her bosom for the last week, when the study door suddenly opened and Georgiana peered around the door.

The sight that Georgiana witnessed stole the words from her lips and the motion from her feet. She stood rooted to the spot, ogling her brother and Elizabeth, who both gaped at her, trapped in their compromising position.

Elizabeth was the first to act. She tore herself from Darcy's grasp and ran from the room, brushing roughly past Georgiana in her haste to escape that lady's admonishing glare. Darcy's arms swung meekly at his sides, bereft of the hope that had just filled them.

Georgiana finally realised, with a crashing wave, why her brother was taking such pains for Elizabeth's behalf, and her heart ached for the torment that she now saw etched across his stricken face.

"Oh brother..."


	12. Of Brothers and Sisters

_**A/N: Just a short chapter to satisfy the cravings of a few of my devoted reviewers! Sorry it's not longer – I'll try to do more next time.**_

_**I personally always found the relationship between Darcy and his sister to be somewhat unrealistic. As someone with firsthand knowledge of what a brother-sister relationship entails, I felt that even the most loving relationship has its fair share of quarrels, especially when the one party who has always been seen as the weaker/ younger/ junior/ inferior, grows up and begins to exert their own will and opinion. This is my take on the changing dynamic of their relationship.**_

_**Hope you enjoy!**_

**Chapter 12:**

"...what were you thinking? Elizabeth is ..." admonished Georgiana, though her small startled voice sounded somewhat impotent even in her own ears, and her sentence seems to trail off into thin air.

Darcy had still not moved since Elizabeth had fled from him, but his sister's muttered remonstrance's echoed vaguely in the foggy recesses of his mind. He turned to look at her, much like a blind man turning towards the sound of someone's voice, but not being able to see, to look them in the eye.

"I know Georgiana," he eventually replied in a somewhat dead murmur.

"No Fitzwilliam, I don't think you do!" This time, when she spoke, her voice was stronger and it seemed to bring Darcy back to his senses; he now looked her full on in the face but remained silent.

"How could you Fitzwilliam? She is not only a married woman, whose husband happens to be lying in an upstairs chamber, but she is also a guest in this house. Think of her reputation brother? What if it had been anyone other than myself that pushed open this door?" And with these words she hastily shut the door, lest the sound of her stricken voice carry to any of the servants passing in the hall.

"Georgiana I do not need you to tell me how to address Eliz...Mrs Collins. You do not understand..." he complained bitterly, shaking his head.

"I am not a child anymore Fitzwilliam and I understand better than you may think."

"NO! You do not understand!" he bellowed, the full force of his disappointed hopes and self pity crashing down on him. "You cannot understand what it feels like to love someone with all your heart but not be able to act on it!"

Normally Georgiana would have shrunk from his harsh words and even harsher tone. He had never spoken to her this way before, though she had heard him speak thusly to others and could remember the deep feeling of apprehension it had occasioned in her. But this time, it had quite the opposite effect on her. The injustice of his presumptions burned her and an unknown and unbidden anger seemed to roil within her veins.

"I am a woman! That is _all_ I know: what it feels like to love someone with all my heart but not be able to act on it!" she seethed. "I had not the luxury of telling the one_ I_ loved _my_ feelings. Propriety and convention forbid me from thus exposing myself. And so I have had to sit idly by and watch helplessly as the person who filled up my waking dreams, cast his line for another; how he pursued her and won her and claimed her as his own flesh. And I could _say_ nothing! I could _show_ nothing! Yes, what would I understand of your suffering?"

"Georgie I never... you never said... who?" uttered Darcy meekly, shocked by the venom in her tone and the grief on her countenance. How did he not know that his sister had been in love with someone, and who was it that did not share her sentiments?

"I am a gently bred female on whom society's dictates have been indelibly etched. I could not tell you. I would not, lest you interfered on my behalf."

"I would never interfere unless..."

"You would have interfered, brother." Her soft voice had returned to her as the heat in her blood began to cool. "You would have meant it kindly. You would undoubtedly have tried to spare my pain, but that's not what I wanted. Had he loved me, had I gained that love on my own merit I would have told you all and begged your support; but alas, he did not. He did not love me and that is the end of it."

Darcy was quiet for some time while he examined the now calm face of his sister. He suddenly realised that she no longer resembled the young girl that he had remembered her to be. She was older somehow; not a tangible, physical maturity, but a veil that seemed to cloud her eyes, like cobwebs, had dulled the once naive light of those orbs.

"Richard. Richard is the man of whom you speak." He didn't ask, he knew. Somehow, he knew.

Georgiana didn't reply, she merely looked into his warm eyes and smiled vacantly. The name didn't seem to matter to her any more; she was just glad that she had finally spoken her heart to her brother. Now that she knew he could truly understand her love and her pain she felt an even more indelible bond with him than the one they had previously shared.

He walked up to her and gently cradled her in his arms, tenderly stroking her fine hair. "I shall stay with Charles, and trespass on his kindness. I have not the strength to remain here. Her reputation is worth the agony of separation. I promise Georgiana, I shall not take her, or you, for granted again."

Elizabeth did not emerge from her rooms for the remainder of the day. Her maid, Sarah, had entered at one point to enquire if Mrs Collins required anything. Elizabeth had feigned a headache and begged to be left in peace. The following morning she had also purposefully risen late. She did not want to encounter either Mr Darcy or his sister, and so waited until she felt they must be breakfasting, when she quietly donned her cloak and bonnet and set off for Gracechurch Street.

Upon entering the drawing room of her Aunt and Uncle's residence she was assailed by cries of joy and hearty laughter. It took her a while to realise that the uproar was not of her causing. In fact it didn't seem as if anyone had even noticed her entrance, until finally Jane spotted her standing bewilderedly in the doorway and joyfully ran towards her sibling and embraced her warmly.

"Lizzy! Oh now I am truly happy. Oh why can't everyone be as happy as I am?" she cried, gushing with happiness all the while, as she led her sister into the room to greet her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. Elizabeth then noticed that Jane had turned away from her and was gently leading someone else closer towards the group assembled around her. As they parted to admit the newcomer Elizabeth saw that it was in fact Charles Bingley that was being led forward and that, if it were possible, he seemed to be smiling even wider than her sister. It was then that she looked down and saw that their hands were intertwined and she understood what all the celebrations were in aid of.

"Oh Jane! I am so happy for you," squealed Elizabeth, reaching out to take hold of her sister's hand. "For you both!" she continued, squeezing Bingley's hand as well as Jane's, as he hadn't deemed it necessary to relinquish Jane's hand simply because her sister wished to claim it.

The next hour was one of the happiest Elizabeth could remember of recent days. They all sat together drinking tea and laughing and teasing the newly affianced couple. The elation and bliss was palpable and seemed to warm all hearts that it touched with its rosy haze.

Jane and Elizabeth sat beside one another on the window seat, conversing quietly together while Bingley and Mr and Mrs Gardiner chatted happily across from them.

"He travelled yesterday to Longbourne to ask Fathers consent," said Jane, smiling fondly at Mr Bingley as she spoke. " He says that Father was kind and heartfelt in his acquiescence and bid Mr Bingley tell me that he should be happy to see us wed as soon as we so desire. Charles is eager for it to occur as soon as may be and has thus begged me to make my arrangements for wedding clothes so that we may decide on an actual date. I know mama would not wish me to make any decisions without her council and so I shall write to her this afternoon to tell her of my happy news and request her presence in London. Oh Lizzy, who could have guessed that things would end in this happy way?"

"Well I knew all along dear sister!" remarked Elizabeth confidently. "For you are too kind and too generous for fate not to have settled a golden ray of pure sunshine around your temples, and wings of silver silk upon thy back. You are a true angle Jane, and deserve such unalloyed happiness."

"Oh Lizzy! Do not speak as though I am deserving of happiness and you are not. For you, too, shall be happy Lizzy. It is not possible for me to have all the share of it and you none. You shall see, it shall seek you out and attach itself to you, for your heart is the warmth which it craves."

The sisters eventually parted with promises on both sides to call again in the next few days. Elizabeth's Heart was full to bursting. She was, at that moment, so proud of Mr Darcy, that he had humbled himself and admitted his fault in purposefully breaking up the two of them, and that despite not being able to slake his own ardour, ensured that his friend and her sister would at least know the joy of reciprocated love.


	13. One can not choose one's family

_**A/N: Sorry it's been so long since my last update, but I'm back at work again and so my free time is somewhat limited. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next instalment. **_

_**Please R&R!**_

**Chapter 13:**

Georgiana had been sitting in the front parlour, eagerly awaiting Elizabeth's return, ever since she had been informed by Mrs Croft that Mrs Collins had ventured forward early that morning to visit her family. When she heard the butler opening the front door - at last - she bounded forth into the entrance hall.

"Elizabeth! I was so worried. You have been an age," admonished Georgiana.

"Oh Georgiana, I have the most wonderful news!" beamed Elizabeth, walking towards Georgiana. She took her hands and led her back into the parlour. Once she had closed the door behind her she hurriedly stripped off her gloves and bonnet before sharing her good tidings with her friend.

"That is truly wonderful news Lizzy. From all you have told me of your sister and all I know of Mr Bingley I feel certain that they shall be deliriously happy together!" pronounced Georgiana.

Elizabeth could barely contain her effusiveness, but she had noticed that Georgiana's carefully schooled features had seemed to blanch slightly when she mentioned her sister's betrothal to Mr Bingley. Suddenly a voice seemed to echo through her memory, the voice of Caroline Bingley. She had always assumed that Miss Bingley merely wished to force her brother into a marriage with Miss Darcy, for her own selfish ends, but she never thought that perhaps Georgiana cherished the same hopes.

"Georgiana, I'm so sorry if I have hurt you. I know Miss Bingley had tried to intimate to me your attachment to Mr Bingley but I thought she was merely being spiteful." Elizabeth rose from her seat near the window and approached Georgiana, concern lining her tired countenance.

"What...No...I never! Oh Lizzy, please believe me when I tell you that I feel nothing but friendship for Mr Bingley, and that I couldn't be happier for your sister." Georgiana looked earnestly at Elizabeth but felt that she still didn't believe her. She felt the only way to convince her was to tell her of Richard. She considered Elizabeth to be as near to a sister to her as she could have wished, and if she could confide in her brother then surely she could confide in her sister. "I do not love Mr Bingley, Lizzy," she whispered hesitantly, "for I love another."

Elizabeth felt it would be indelicate to enquire who the gentleman may be, but she couldn't seem to stop her curiosity from flooding her eyes and causing her head to tilt slightly to one side in silent enquiry.

With one last deep breath Georgiana continued; "I love Richard." She tried to keep her eyes on her friend's countenance but was not able to prevent the steady tide of blushes that crashed over her cheeks.

"Richard?" asked Elizabeth in slight confusion. "Col. Fitzwilliam? Oh, Georgie, no wonder you were so lachrymose in Kent. I couldn't think that your Aunts untimely passing could have occasioned such a reaction in you but I didn't wish to pry, thinking instead that I must have misjudged your relationship with that formidable lady."

Georgiana didn't say anything further in response, so Elizabeth continued; "I know it is probably of little consolation but at least Anne is not like her mother and you may have the small comfort of knowing that she will make your cousin very happy."

"I wish she were a crow!" yelled Georgiana, before shamefully covering her traitorous mouth with both her hands.

Elizabeth at first looked scandalised, more that it was Georgiana uttering such an indecorous proclamation – something she would rather expect to hear from one of her younger sisters, followed by much stamping of feet and petulant tears - rather than by the pronouncement itself. But soon the hilarity overcame the shock and she tried desperately to stifle the gurgle of laughter that rose to her lips.

Georgiana saw the dawning mirth pooling in her friends eyes and she too began to giggle. Soon the two friends had laughed themselves back into happier spirits and could continue their tête-à-tête.

"But then why did you look so stricken when I first mentioned my sisters engagement?" asked Elizabeth after a little while.

"I just realised that Mr Bingley would no doubt have been sharing the same news with my brother, and I was worried as to how he may take it."

"Worried?" queried Elizabeth cautiously, puzzled by Georgiana's tone.

"I know it was a trial for Fitzwilliam to see our cousins happily married, but to see his closest friend have the happiness that he never can, will I fear, be hard for him to bear."

There was no surer way to drive the laughter from Elizabeth's face than the mention of Mr Darcy's suffering, but the ache she felt was a silent penance and she steadfastly stared out the window and said nothing.

"Lizzy, my brother felt that it would be best if he remove himself from your presence." This pronouncement brought Elizabeth's head spinning round to face Georgiana. "He has gone to stay with Mr Bingley for a time."

"I have driven him from his own home?" yelled Elizabeth.

"Lizzy, you must understand why? He could not remain here. His intentions were pure but his resolve weak. You must see that he has done this to protect you. I did not wish to intrude on your privacy yesterday but thankfully it had been me who opened the door rather than one of the servants. I can see that he cares very deeply for you Elizabeth, and would do anything in his power to prevent you from suffering even a moment's pain through his own unguarded actions."

Elizabeth had walked silently to the door and opened it preparing to depart, before, turning quietly around, she walked back to where Georgiana stood and clasped her in a warm sisterly embrace; where after she quit the parlour and retired to her room to meditate on her miserable existence.

Her miserable existence was to become somewhat more miserable following the arrival of her Mother and two younger sisters from Hertfordshire the following week. They had come as per Jane's request, ostensibly to assist Jane in the purchase of her wedding clothes, but perhaps more accurately to further the humiliation of her two first born children.

It was not long after their arrival in London that Mrs Bennet together with Kitty and Lydia, and accompanied by Jane and Mrs Gardiner, called on Miss Darcy and Mrs Collins in Grosvenor Square. Though Miss Darcy's confidence had grown ever since she had met Elizabeth, she was no match for the younger Miss Bennets, and their exuberance and lack of manners seemed to wrong-foot her. She had looked to Elizabeth for assistance but Lizzy had been pulled to one side by her mother. Seeing her discomfort, however; Jane and Mrs Gardiner, who had both come to befriend Georgiana in their regular visits between Grosvenor Square and Gracechurch Street, threw themselves into the conversation in an attempt to alleviate Miss Darcy's distress as well as disguise their sister and nieces lack of proper decorum.

Meanwhile Elizabeth had to suffer her own mortification in listening to her mother's own indecorous speeches, though thankfully their conversation was taking place privately and so the cause of her shame was not exposed.

"My, Lizzy, what an incredibly exquisite house! What furnishings! Mr Collins always used to boast about the furnishings at Rosings Park but I am sure that Mr Darcy's furniture must be more expensive – why, he has ten thousand a year!"

"Mother, keep your voice down please! This is a most inappropriate conversation to be having with Miss Darcy seated just across the room!" hissed Elizabeth in a coarse whisper.

Mrs Bennet didn't seem to hear Elizabeth's remonstrance's and continued on in much the same vein; admiring the curtains, the mantle, the chandelier in the entrance hall, even the livery of the footmen. Elizabeth, exasperated beyond measure, realised the futility in trying to curb her mother's profusions, and reluctantly settled into the sofa and stared out of the window until her mother was finished.

"Oh Lizzy, you befriending the Darcy's is the luckiest chance!"

"What Luck do you call it mother, for their Aunt to die, my husband to fall into a coma, and me to have to be beholden on their kindness?"

"Of course it is lucky Lizzy! Miss Darcy shall befriend Lydia and Kitty, which it looks like she is doing already," said Mrs Bennet confidently, cocking a knowing eyebrow in the girls direction.

Elizabeth couldn't help notice that the look of mild panic on her young friends face seemed to indicate just the opposite of her mother's insinuation.

"And once they are friends then they shall be invited to stay here with Miss Darcy, and of course that would mean balls and assemblies and card parties! Oh Lizzy, my girls shall, through their connections with the Darcy family, be thrown into the path of other rich men who will fall instantly in love with their beauty and before I am able to wipe the tears from my eyes after Jane's wedding I shall have the joy of seeing two more of my daughters wed; perhaps even to Lords, or maybe even a Duke. Oh Lizzy, I am so glad I made you marry Mr Collins last year, just think of all the joy that has come of it!"

Elizabeth was momentarily struck dumb in disbelief of her mother's inane fantasies and her casual indifference towards Elizabeth's own sufferings. The two sat in silence thereafter, Elizabeth in seething indignation and her mother lost in glorious visions of the wealth and opulence her daughters would acquire through their new found friendship.

Finally, just before the ladies were about to leave, Mrs Bennet remembered the errand that she had been tasked to perform by her husband and after scratching in her reticule eventually extricated a slightly crumpled note addressed to Elizabeth from her father.

Elizabeth's and her father's relationship had been somewhat strained since her marriage. She didn't blame him for her current predicament but he blamed himself and therefore naturally felt that she must blame him also; and though she didn't blame him she had lost faith in him and no longer felt able to confide in him as she had done all her life. As such their correspondence over the last several months had been rare and perfunctory and Elizabeth couldn't imagine this letter being any different. Though she missed her father dearly, she knew that in time his guilt would wane but her disappointed hopes would forever remain, like bitter bile in the back of her mind and heart.

She waited until all her family had left before retiring to Mr Darcy's study – a sanctuary she had established for herself ever since that day she had almost declared her love for Mr Darcy - and settled down to read her letter.

_My Dearest Lizzy,_

_At first, upon learning of your resolve to remove to London in order to seek medical attention for your husband - and in the company of Mr Darcy no less - I thought you must have taken leave of your senses. After all, had you not always hated the man? But now after receiving your reply to my first entreaty to return to Longbourne, and your accompanying refusal I have to say I don't understand you at all. Perhaps, as you say, Mr Darcy is not as bad as he was painted here in Hertfordshire, and perhaps his sister is a kind friend to you, but Lizzy, they are strangers. You are in need of your family's comfort and support and I insist upon your returning to Lougbourne with your sister Jane at the end of the week. _

_As your husband is in no state to be any the wiser, and as Mr Darcy has taken it upon himself to arrange for the care of that man, I advise that you leave Mr Collins in London so that he may continue with his treatment; though I believe in his present state I may actually find his company a vast improvement on what I had experienced previously. I shall leave these arrangements to you, my dear._

_I shall not expect any return missive Lizzy, but I shall instead look out for you and your sister by the week's end._

_Yours affectionately,_

_Papa._

"Oh Papa! If only you understood how much my life has changed, how impossible it is for me to go back to everything I knew before, you would not ask this of me!" cried Elizabeth, as she crumpled the letter in her hands and slumping over in her chair began to earnestly weep.


	14. Blame

_**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and alerts! I really appreciate it – please keep them coming!**_

**Chapter 14:**

Darcy sat somewhat slumped in his chair by the dining table. His hair was dishevelled and his chin covered in dark stubble as he hadn't shaved yet that morning. He had risen very late after the previous evenings libations, and feeling the clawing pull of hunger had merely thrown on his richly embroidered dressing gown and descended the stairs to the dining room.

He knew he would be the only one there, as Bingley had left for Netherfield on Friday, primarily to escort Miss Bennet back to her home. He had declined Bingley's invitation to join him but promised he would return for his friend's wedding. Instead Darcy had remained behind in London trying to pass the time in much the same way he had been for the past couple of weeks.

The days seemed to merge into one long blur of clubs and drinking and late nights. Several of Darcy's other acquaintances in town had remarked on his rather uncharacteristic behaviour, but Darcy had always been such an enigma to most of them that they didn't question his actions too deeply, supposing it must be a matter of money, or family, or love; it didn't really matter to them which it turned out to be.

Darcy had believed that if he could saturate his mind with enough alcohol he would be able to forget his troubles. He had hoped to rid his dreams of Elizabeth's beautiful bright eyes, and the feel of her soft skin beneath his hands. Her sweet scent had seemed to permanently ingratiate itself into his nostrils and no matter where he went or what he did, it followed him around like a tantalising shadow.

Leaving Elizabeth had been the most difficult thing he had ever had to do. If it had just been _his _heart at risk he would have born it much better but he felt sure when he remembered the heat that seemed to radiate out of her body, and the flames that seemed to lick at the corners of her eyes as he had held her pinned against him that day, that she could not be so indifferent towards him as she had once professed to be.

It had made this self imposed separation even more torturous. He seemed to drift along in a wine soaked haze, oblivious to everyone and everything around him, except for the dull ache that throbbed through his whole being.

He had been slumped at the table for some time, attempting to eat of the repast laid before him but despite his aching hunger nothing he ate seemed to satisfy him, and he eventually gave up, settling instead with his cup of coffee and the morning's post which Bingley's butler had laid on the table beside his plate.

There were several invitations from various notable matrons, requesting his honoured presence at their numerous and equally vile balls, card parties and brunches. He swept them aside disinterestedly and continued to sort through the remaining correspondence. He spotted a couple that he was sure were from his steward but his head was still swimming and he was not capable of deciphering their contents at present; they were put aside for later perusal. Then he saw one which he didn't recognise at all. He immediately ripped open the seal and scanned the bottom of the page to determine who the sender was. His dark eyes bulged when they rested their gaze on the name 'Edward Bennet' written neatly in black ink at the bottom of the page.

He balled his fists into the hollows of his eyes to dash the last remaining vestiges of sleep from them before he attempted to read the rather short letter from Elizabeth's Father.

_Mr Darcy,_

_Forgive my presumption in writing to you Sir, but Mr Bingley was kind enough to furnish me with your address and assured me that you would welcome my correspondence._

_He was also eager to assure me that I would be welcome to stay at his town house whenever I should happen to be in Town. Though I feel sure his invitation was meant as more a means of making a favourable impression on his future father-in-law than of his believing me to take him up on his offer so readily, I am in fact planning on being in town on Tuesday morning and shall look forward to a private conversation with you Sir, at your earliest convenience._

_Yours Faithfully,_

_Edward Bennet._

"Tuesday? Tuesday!"

Darcy sprang up from his chair, somewhat unsteadily, and ran up the stairs, taking two at a time in his haste.

**o00O00o**

Mr Darcy descended the stairs gingerly, still nervously fingering his cravat and tugging on the lapels of his coat, when there was a resounding knock on the front door. By the time Darcy had reached the bottom of the stairs Bingley's butler had already admitted the caller and was in the process of helping the gentleman out of his greatcoat, (his hat, gloves and thin ebony cane already lay discarded on the round mahogany table in the entrance hall).

Mr Bennet had not yet noticed Mr Darcy's approach and so the latter gentleman took one last steadying breath before stepping forward to greet the elderly gentleman.

"Good morning Mr Bennet. I trust you had a pleasant trip?" lamely enquired Mr Darcy.

"Yes, yes..." grumbled Mr Bennet, still struggling to extricate his arm from the left sleeve of his coat. This finally accomplished, he turned to look at Darcy before continuing: "mild weather, passable roads. No, enough with pleasantries Mr Darcy, I did not come all this way to speak about my journey. If you would be so kind as to lead the way, I should be grateful to have somewhere where we can speak more candidly without being disturbed."

"Of course Sir, may I suggest Mr Bingley's study?" said Mr Darcy, and with his outstretched arm motioned towards the open door on his right. Mr Bennet gave a stiff nod and followed Mr Darcy into the room.

"May I offer you some Claret, or would you prefer a brandy?"

"Wine will do, thank you."

Mr Darcy proceeded to pour two glasses and handed one to Mr Bennet. He eyed his own glass with misgiving as his head gave a torturous lurch to remind him of his still somewhat inebriated state.

Mr Bennet had taken a sip of his wine and then seated himself in a wingback chair next to the empty fireplace, but he did not speak. Darcy would have preferred to have sat down himself but felt more able to handle the wily older gentleman if he remained standing, giving him at least a height advantage.

Mr Bennet hadn't expected Mr Darcy to behave in any way that would cause him to think differently of him than what he had thought when he had first made Darcy's acquaintance in Hertfordshire, but there was something different about the way the once proud and indifferent man was looking at him now which made him wander if his daughter may have been in the right of it. Mr Bennet thought Darcy looked like a naughty school boy who had been caught trying to smuggle a frog into the classroom, rather than the proud disagreeable man he had always appeared to be before.

"Mr Darcy," he eventually said, breaking the stony silence. "Where is my daughter?"

"Where sir?" asked Darcy, somewhat confused.

"Yes Mr Darcy, where? For she is certainly not where she is supposed to be and that is at her home of Longbourne."

"Forgive me Mr Bennet, but your daughter is, as you are no doubt aware, a guest of my sisters and is currently residing, along with her husband, at my house in Grosvenor Square. The last time I thought to enquire she did not mention anything about being held against her will." Darcy winced at his own rough tone, knowing that he wasn't likely to endear himself towards Mr Bennet unless he reigned in his temper.

Mr Bennet didn't take offense at Mr Darcy's sarcasm but instead smiled inwardly, pleased to think that Mr Darcy had more spirit than he would have previously credited him with."Perhaps that is true Mr Darcy, and if it be so then I thank you for you and your sister's kindness towards my Lizzy, but her place is with her family."

"You must forgive me again Mr Bennet for my obtuseness, but why are you telling me this? I'm sure if you spoke with Lizz...Mrs Collins," he hurriedly corrected, "that she would be able to explain her absence to you more accurately."

"I _shall _forgive you your obtuseness Mr Darcy, especially as it relates to dealing with my daughter, as you have not had the experience in dealing with her lively spirit for the number of years that I have had. Let me assure that a direct application to her for an explanation of her actions would result in nothing but a falling out between us. My daughter, though of a joyous and carefree disposition is also headstrong, especially when she believes herself to be in the right."

"Yes," replied Mr Darcy, a soft smile curling the corners of his mouth as he thought of Elizabeth's strong will, "it is one of her most admirable qualities."

Mr Bennet was even more confused by Mr Darcy than he had been before. The man who several months ago had deemed his daughter ill favoured enough to dissuade him from claiming her hand at a small country dance was now standing before him, with a rather sappy smile on his face, enumerating all of Elizabeth's endearing qualities. "Perhaps I underestimated you Mr Darcy. It would seem as though you not only know my daughter better than I heretofore believed, but unlike most people you see her strength of character and steadfast resolve as positive qualities rather than mere wilfulness."

By this time Darcy had realised that he had said more than he would have wished to, and silently cursed the alcohol that was clearly still befuddling his senses. He didn't say anything more lest he betray himself again.

"I too admire my daughter's strength of character but in some instances I could wish her to be more compliant."

"You can hardly complain of her lack of obedience sir! When everything she has done, which has brought about her current state of misery and loneliness, has been caused by her obeying her duty towards you, her father; the man who was supposed to protect and cherish her, but who instead threw her to the lions!" spat Mr Darcy, seemingly unable to stop his rash outburst despite his oath of a few minutes past to hold his tongue. The injustice of Mr Bennet's words had fanned the flames of his anger and disappointment and for the first time in months he had someone else at whom to direct his wrath rather than inwardly, at himself, whom he knew was the most to blame.

Mr Bennet sat back in his chair and slowly sipped his wine, as comprehension began to dawn on him. But he would be sure of his suspicions before he spoke them outright. He could still see the fire dancing behind Mr Darcy's agate orbs, and like a cat with a mouse, thought he might play a little more with his prey. "Now, now, Mr Darcy, I will not allow you to call my nephew... forgive me, my son-in-law, a lion. A donkey - perhaps; a toad – more likely, but a lion – never!"

"You mock your daughters suffering, yet you are the cause!"

"You are right Mr Darcy," he responded contritely. "In the one matter I would have wished Lizzy to be more disobliging, she capitulated without argument. Looking back now on how things turned out you may believe me when I say I wish I had not been so persuasive. How was I to know that the frail old father would out live the strapping young man?"

"You forget that the 'young man' still lives Sir," said Mr Darcy, and in a whispered aside added: "that is perhaps the greater torment."

"For my daughter or for you Mr Darcy?" softly enquired the old gentleman, his cat like eyes seeing more than Darcy would wish. But Darcy was weary and still slightly foxed and he hadn't the energy or the inclination to play games.

"I _have_ done, and _shall_ continue to do, all in my power to aid Elizabeth. Were I able to do more, Mr Bennet, _you_ may believe that I would do it."

"Well, this lightens my heavy conscience considerably Mr Darcy. To think that all these many months I have blamed myself for Lizzy's unhappy situation, but now it would seem that I may lay an equal portion of the blame at your door."

Darcy's pride and strength seemed seep out of him, his shoulders slumped in dejection and his voice cracked as he replied; "It would be no less than I deserve Mr Bennet. Had I not been so foolish, obstinate and proud... but no, even then she would not have had me."

"Mr Darcy had you not been so foolish, obstinate and proud, you would have been precisely the type of man that Lizzy would have respected and admired; and despite first impressions sir, I believe that you are an amiable gentleman and I am glad to know that my dear Lizzy has such good friends."

"I understand your desire to have your daughter back home, but my sister and Mrs Collins have grown very close over the past few weeks and I believe Elizabeth is happy. I urge you to let her remain here in London for the present. My sister and I shall ensure she wants for nothing."

"And does my daughter know of the regard you have for her Mr Darcy" enquired Mr Bennet.

Darcy hesitated and after a long pause he bowed his head and reluctantly answered.

"Yes."

"Yes? How?" Mr Bennet's forehead was creased and his posture was suddenly alert and wary.

"I told her. It was one evening at Hunsford; your daughter had not accompanied her husband to dinner at Rosings, claiming illness as her excuse, I walked over to the parsonage to enquire of her health and to determine if there was anything I could provide to make her feel more comfortable. But I'm afraid my presence was little desired and we got into an argument."

"Yes, if I recall, you seemed to have a similar effect on my daughter during your stay in Hertfordshire," quipped Mr Bennet.

Darcy smiled at the memory of happier more innocent times before continuing his explanation. "Perhaps, but this time I lost my hold on all reason and allowed my passion free reign. Before I knew what I was about I had declared myself to Elizabeth - a married woman," he breathed bitterly, despair and sorrow clouding his features.

"And her reaction to your declaration, I assume, was a sharp set down?"

"Her reaction was no less than I deserved. Not only had I expressed love for another man's wife, but I had done everything in my power to make her think ill of me and was then surprised when she was repulsed by me." He set his glass down on the mantle and began to pace up and down before Mr Bennet, as memories and regrets flooded his mind.

Mr Bennet saw his distraction and his sadness and found that he actually felt pity for the man.

It was some moments before Darcy mastered his emotions enough to speak again.

"However, over the next few weeks she grew to know me better and I believe she forgave my insolence, and though I know I can never have any more than her friendship, I will treasure what little of her I can rightfully claim."

"And her reputation, Mr Darcy? Who shall protect that? Forgive me if I say that under the circumstances, though I believe you honourable and would trust you with the care of my child, you would not be my first choice as the guardian of her reputation. She is, after all, as you say 'a married woman' and I am by no means certain of your ability to remain disinterested in her presence, as you are not able to do so in mine."

"I understand your misgivings sir, and that is precisely the reason I have removed myself from my home and her company, and have taken up residence here in Charles' house. I would not do anything to harm Elizabeth."

"Undoubtedly my daughter has already made up her mind to remain in London - irrespective of my wishes on the subject, but should I find, as you say, that she is happy here then I shall rest easy knowing that you shall look after my girl." With these words Mr Bennet struggled to push himself out of his chair and, staggering slightly from the exertion, moved towards Mr Darcy with his right hand extended.

Darcy gratefully took the old man's withered hand in his own strong masculine grasp and tried to convey, by means of a mere hand shake, the relief he felt in knowing that Elizabeth's father knew the truth and yet still trusted him to take care of his daughter. He realised that he would never entirely forgive Mr Bennet, (just as he would never forgive himself), but that the two men could in fact share the blame of Elizabeth's fate and may thereby find common ground in their complicity, if not in their differing natures.

"Now, if you would be so obliging Mr Darcy, I must speak with Elizabeth, and shall be grateful of your escort."

Darcy swallowed hard; he had not seen Elizabeth in almost two weeks, except every night where she waited for him in his dreams...


	15. Father and the bride

**CHAPTER 15:**

Elizabeth was sitting in the large chair before the fire in Darcy's study, reading a letter which she had just received from Charlotte that morning; it seemed as if all their neighbours and friends in Hertfordshire where eagerly anticipating the upcoming wedding. Charlotte in particular, had expressed her enthusiasm in several crossed sheets to her friend, whilst also trying to reassure Elizabeth that no good would be served by her remaining behind in London simply to appease the gossips, as she had thought about doing.

It was while she was thus employed that the study door opened and in walked Mr Darcy. His eyes smouldered as they rested on her face and yet, inexplicably, she felt frozen – locked in his gaze.

Mr Bennet was hard on Mr Darcy's heels, and entering behind him, saw his daughter and the usually haughty gentleman staring so intimately at one another that had they been a married couple he would have hastily excused himself and left them alone, but as Elizabeth was in fact very much married to someone else, he knew he must intercede to spare his daughter's reputation. He realised too that Darcy had been wise to retreat to Mr Bingley's home; Darcy's modesty and insecurity may make him unsure of Elizabeth's feelings toward him but Mr Bennet, though admittedly an old man; could see at a glance how deep her regard was for the man. His conscience seemed to burn him as he thought how happy his daughter could have been had he not interfered.

Several days before Mr Collins' arrival in Hertfordshire, Mrs Bennet had taken to relating to Mr Bennet, (and anyone else who happened to be near,) all the misfortunes and degradations she and her daughters would be made to suffer after his own death. As was his usual custom, he ignored her thoroughly and buried himself in his library. But somehow, this time, her words seemed to penetrate his usually marble resolve, and like the slow dripping of water seemed to chip away at his conscience, until, in a moment of weakness, it crumbled away completely leaving behind only the grey fog of depression. And while in this state, Mr Collins' offer of marriage to Lizzy had come along like a light in the darkness, to ease his mind and erase his qualms. Had he only been master enough of his senses at the time he would have seen the light for what it was – nothing but a dull ember on the verge of extinguishing - but it was too late now for regrets...

Elizabeth had not at first noticed her father enter the room behind Mr Darcy. She had eyes only for him. She had not seen him for two weeks and she drank him in like she was a woman dying of thirst and he her last drop of water.

Darcy's heart warmed at the look that Elizabeth gave him. He had tortured himself endlessly over the last couple of weeks, wondering whether or not Elizabeth's feelings towards him had truly changed. From those last few words she had uttered as he had held her in his arms, It had seemed for that brief moment as though her feelings for him had undergone a slight alteration; but now, looking at her beautiful intense gaze which pierced his very soul, it was as if she were speaking the words in her gentle yet passionate voice: 'I Love you'.

He was on the point of rushing towards her and scooping her up in his arms and had even taken a step forwards when Mr Bennet cleared his throat in a loud rasping cough; and in that instant the spell seemed to have broken.

Elizabeth's startled eyes darted to the hunched figure visible behind Darcy's shoulder; Darcy hung his head and turned to allow the elderly gentleman to precede him into the room.

Mr Bennet was not unconscious of the struggle it was for Darcy to turn away, and he liked him all the more for the fact that by that one act he now knew that this man truly loved his daughter; and even if it meant that Darcy would have to suffer and scorch in the flames of hell itself he would do it to protect Elizabeth and see to it that she came to no harm.

He had a feeling that Darcy was no mere flickering light in the darkness; he was the dawning of a new day.

"Father?" gasped Elizabeth, her ashen face showing her surprise and then her embarrassment as a gentle flush stole up her neck and settled it's traitorous standard on her fair cheeks.

"Elizabeth. How are you my dear? You look pale. I had hoped that your cousin would be able to look after you; now it seems that you are having to care for him – at your own detriment."

"I am a little tired father, that is all. But how came you to be here? Did Mr Darcy..?" she asked, coyly glancing up at Mr Darcy.

"I was fortunate enough to run into Mr Darcy in the street" interrupted Mr Bennet, eager to give his own explanation of Darcy's presence. He knew Elizabeth would not like to know that he was discussing her with Mr Darcy without her knowledge. "And he was obliging enough to escort me here. You must know why I am come Lizzy?"

"Yes papa," muttered Elizabeth as she cast her eyes down.

" When, instead of seeing both my daughters alight from my carriage, I was confronted by only one daughter and a written missive in the place of the other, I might say that I was not overly pleased Lizzy."

"Father I am truly sorry for not obeying you, but I hold by what I wrote. I will always be your daughter, but when I married Mr Collins he became my first priority. It was to him that I swore an oath before God and it is to him that I am now irrevocably tied – until death us do part."

Darcy had been about to withdraw when Elizabeth had spoken, but he had been so glad to see the old Elizabeth standing before him, that he couldn't leave; he had to stay near her for as long as possible. Her voice rang clear and strong and her eyes flashed. She was convinced that she had acted for the best and was confident in her defiance. He knew he needed to curb his feelings but he loved her all the more when she exhibited such strength of character. His only wish: that she had stood firm all those months ago when her father had coerced her into marrying Mr Collins in the first place.

"My Lizzy, I did not come here to argue with you..."

"I shan't leave father. My place is here."

"Calm yourself child. I am not here to upset you or to enforce my will. I _was_ angry when you flouted my decree but Mr Darcy has been telling me of the friendship that has grown between you and his sister - and himself also; and that despite the unpleasant circumstances surrounding your removal to London, you were happy now amongst your friends. Despite my cold letter to you, I hope you realise that all I desire is your happiness."

Darcy could see that it cost the poor man a lot to admit that his daughter was happier with her friends than with her family but he admired the fact that he could put aside his own selfish wishes and put his daughter first...rather late than never.

"You will permit me to remain here...in London?" enquired Elizabeth.

"I made the error of forcing you to do something against your will once before, my child, and though at the time I had believed my reasoning to be justified and my decision to be righteous I have since learned that I, like all men, am not without fault, and that through my arrogance and folly you are now made to suffer. Would that I could undo what has been done, but as that is beyond any of us, I can only ensure that I do not commit the same mistake again."

Elizabeth ran forward and embraced her father, gentle tears softly trailing down her cheeks and falling lightly onto Mr Bennet's coat. The elderly gentleman's eyes also shone with unshed tears as he gripped his daughter tightly against his chest.

Darcy did not wish to intrude any further on this private moment between Mr Bennet and his lovely daughter, and as such quietly withdrew from the study closing the door gently behind him. He hoped that with the re-establishment of the easy and open relationship that had once existed between the pair, that Elizabeth would be made happy in at least one area of her otherwise sad life.

**ooOOoo**

"Oh Lizzy, this is so beautiful! It is just the perfect shade of lavender; it will look absolutely lovely!" exclaimed Jane, as she let the silky ribbon flow through her fingers like water. Elizabeth had bought the ribbon as a gift for her sister before she left London. Mr Darcy had assured Mr Bennet that he would escort Mrs Collins and Miss Darcy to Hertfordshire to attend Jane & Charles' Wedding at the end of the month, and he had done just that. They had arrived just after luncheon; the carriage depositing the ladies at Netherfield.

Mrs Bennet had written to Elizabeth shortly after Mr Bennet had returned to Longbourne with the details of the arrangements that she had made for her daughters visit.

_...it is very kind of Mr Darcy to offer to bring you home Lizzy, and we all look forward to seeing Miss Darcy again – such a sweet, pleasant girl. However Lizzy, what with your Aunt & Uncle Gardiner and all your cousins, there just isn't room enough for everyone at Longbourne. Netherfield, of course, is such a vast estate, and Mr Bingley so gracious, that he has assured me that you would be most welcome to stay there during your visit. You will no doubt prefer it as we will be so busy here that were you to stay here you would no doubt find yourself very much in the way. _

_At least at Netherfield, you will have your dear friends to keep you company, and should you feel that you are missing your family I would be happy to send Kitty and Lydia over to keep you and Mr and Miss Darcy company..._

The rest of the letter had been in much the same vein. Elizabeth had blushed when she had read it. All of her mother's subtle hints and not too subtle scheming brought the colour rushing to her cheeks. She had been at breakfast when she received the missive and Georgiana had wondered if Lizzy had in fact received any troubling news as she didn't look at all well.

Elizabeth knew that her friend would not judge her and yet she was so ashamed of her mother's behaviour that she couldn't bring herself to unburden herself of her shame; instead she had merely related to Georgiana the news about her staying at Netherfield during the wedding, as her home would already be full to bursting with other friends and family. If she was in fact slightly flushed it must be due to the tea she was drinking which was still very hot, and which had probably caused her to burn her tongue - Georgie had seemed satisfied.

She had decided to leave her friend at Netherfield to recoup after their journey, and had set off – on foot – to Longbourne, shortly after their arrival. She longed to see Jane again and after her father's visit and their new found love and respect for each other, she was scarcely less eager to see him again as well. She had snuck out unseen; a fact she was extremely grateful for for fear of any awkward encounters with Mr Darcy not to mention the company she would find herself in at Longbourne.

"Where is my present Lizzy? I hope you brought me something too!" squealed Lydia, as she rifled through the packages that lay neatly piled on Elizabeth's lap, causing several to topple to the floor with a soft _plop_.

"Lydia, please!" exclaimed Elizabeth in stringent accents for the umpteenth time, brushing her sisters hands aside and leaning over to collect the fallen parcels. "I brought Jane gifts for her _wedding_. Unless I am mistaken, _you_ are not getting married, therefore I would have no cause to be giving you wedding presents."

"Well that isn't my fault. If Jane hadn't chosen to get married now and spoil all my fun, I would have been able to travel to Brighton with Mrs Forster and the regiment, and then I'm sure you'd have to eat your words Lizzy, for even Mama says that I was a favourite among several of the officers and would probably have received numerous offers of marriage by now."

"Well if that is indeed the case then I should rather give Jane an extra present in reward for her good sense and impeccable timing," chimed Elizabeth sarcastically.

"Oh it so unfair!" cried Lydia, to no one in particular whilst stamping her little foot indignantly. "Jane gets to have new dresses, and gloves and ribbons; you got to stay in London and attend balls and parties, and I've just been stuck here at home, with not even the regiment to help lessen the tedium of the passing days!"

"Do you imagine that it would be seemly for me to attend balls and parties while my husband is lying on his death bed?" asked Elizabeth, her tone cold and severe.

"Well it's not as if you, or anyone, could care two straws about him after all!"

"Lydia!" exclaimed Jane.

Elizabeth's face had hardened and she was about to give her youngest sister a severe tongue lashing when Jane hastily stood up from her seat and commanded Lydia, in a firm yet gentle tone, that she was to go and help their Aunt Gardiner, who was currently in the dining room gathering together great garlands of wild flowers from the gardens, with which to adorn the church for the wedding.

"My dearest Lizzy, you must not be so hard on yourself," commented Charlotte, who had been visiting with Jane when Elizabeth arrived.

"It is useless Charlotte; Lizzy is determined to blame herself for Mr Collins' unfortunate accident."

"No Jane, I am not 'determined to blame myself', I simply know what others will say."

"Lizzy, you have never before cared what others may say, especially when you know yourself to be in the right," said Charlotte.

"Yes Charlotte you are correct, but there are others whose reputations are at stake now as well as my own."

"No one shall think any less of you for wanting to be with your sister on her wedding day. After all Lizzy, you said that the doctor does not hold out much hope..."

"No he does not. He says that Mr Collins' heart grows weaker by the day."

"Even more reason for you to make a favourable impression on Mr Darcy at this time," said Charlotte archly.

"Charlotte!" exclaimed Elizabeth.

"Whatever can you mean Charlotte?" enquired Jane.

"Only that Mr Darcy has been most kind and attentive to all of Elizabeth's needs thus far, and that she would be a fool to overlook the fact that he is worth ten times that of Mr Collins. If Elizabeth would only make herself agreeable to Mr Darcy, should anything happen to Mr Collins, I am sure Mr Darcy would not hesitate to fill the breach." Charlotte's face was, as ever, calm and impassive, though with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. Elizabeth knew why she and Charlotte were such good friends.

"Charlotte, you would never act as such yourself," said Jane, her delicate nature scandalised by Charlotte's insinuation.

"Only as I have never had the opportunity my dear Jane," replied Charlotte demurely. Elizabeth could not help but laugh at her dear friend – she had missed her terribly.

This trying encounter was just one of the many that Elizabeth had had to endure in the days leading up to the wedding. Of course not all of the unpleasant experiences had been courtesy of her family.

One evening after supper at Netherfield, the guests that were staying there; namely Mrs Hurst and her husband, Miss Bingley, Mr and Miss Darcy and Elizabeth, were all seated in the parlour employed in their own various activities to pass the time.

Mr Hurst, after several failed attempts to gather together enough players to make up a card table, had retired to a sofa in front of the fire and had instantly dropped off to sleep. Georgie had retired to the window seat with an old tatty book of poetry that she had brought with her from London. Mrs Hurst was practicing her scales at the piano; the monotony of which seemed to be grating on the nerves of the other guests but to which she was completely immune. The remaining guests were all occupied with books, save for Mr Bingley who was lost in a euphoric dream as he stared unseeingly into the luminous flames of the fire.

"Mrs Collins, how I do envy you your focus," declared Miss Bingley after a while, as she gently laid aside her book. "Were my husband gravely ill, I'm sure I would not be able to sit still for more than two minutes together, so distressed would I be over his sad affliction." She fluttered her eyelids innocently but the distinctly vicious sneer that curled her lip sadly spoiled her naive facade.

Elizabeth had wondered how long it would take Caroline Bingley to unsheathe her blade as Lizzy had noticed the old jealousy lick at that lady's poisonous green eyes shortly after her arrival - under Mr Darcy's escort. Her jealously had merely grown after she had witnessed the close friendship that had developed between Elizabeth and Georgiana; but her usually sharp eyes had failed to notice the unease and tension between Mrs Collins and Mr Darcy, as not even she could have imagined what torrents of emotion were being concealed in each of their breasts.

"It is a sad trial for me Miss Bingley," confessed Elizabeth, "but I am so fortunate as to have such very good friends in Georgiana and Mr Darcy that they help me bear the anguish of my husband's illness, thus lessening my own suffering. Indeed, I do not know what I would do without their support and friendship." Elizabeth smiled warmly at Georgiana, who had lifted her head at the mention of her name, and positively beamed at Mr Darcy, who had also closed his book as soon as Caroline had made her pointed remark to Elizabeth.

Darcy couldn't hide the laughter that sprang to his lately so desolate eyes, nor could he help but return the warm smile that she cast on him; and when Elizabeth turned away from him to innocently flutter her eyelids at the rather black visage of Caroline Bingley he had had to pretend a mild coughing fit in order to disguise his mirth.


	16. Everyone cries at weddings

_**A/N: Hi everyone! I just wanted to say a quick thank you for all your support; for all the reviews and alerts and positive feedback I've been getting from all of you. **_

_**Enjoy!**_

**CHAPTER 16:**

The wedding came and went in a swirl of satin and flowers, laughter and tears – it had been truly glorious, as Elizabeth had known it would be.

The bride was radiant, not just because of her beautiful garments, but rather because of the joy and love that seemed to surround her and everyone near her in its warm golden hues.

Even the weather seemed to be affected by the happiness of the couple; the sun shone warm and bright the whole day long, and the only wind was a soft warm breeze which wafted through the gardens carrying the dizzyingly sweet fragrance of the wild flowers in its wake.

Several times during the actual ceremony Elizabeth couldn't help but think back to her own wedding day. It was almost like trying to compare mud with water, or night with day. One seemed a sombre forerunner of the misery still to come, and the other seemed to drench the couple and their guests in its ethereal glow and magnificence.

Elizabeth was perhaps rather biased when it came to her favourite sister, but in light of everything that had transpired for the two lovers to finally be joined together, Elizabeth could only believe that Heaven and all her choirs of Angels were shining their light down on Jane and Bingley that day.

But for all her joy at her sister's happiness, Elizabeth could not help a small part of herself that envied Jane her happiness. She had found herself staring at Mr Darcy several times during the service wondering if his thoughts were at all similar to her own.

Mr Darcy, like Elizabeth was lost in idle daydreams. All his previous fantasies had returned to him in the days leading up to the wedding. Every sigh, every smile, every laugh echoed through the dim halls of his memory, culminating in sending his senses into a frenzy.

Standing beside Bingley, as he was finally joined to the object of his love and desire, he could not help himself from imagining what it could have been like if he and Elizabeth had been able to stand beside them and take their vows together. All the delight and joyfulness that he felt for his friend paled in comparison to the sheer ecstasy he would have felt had he now been able to claim Elizabeth as his own wife.

Sadly, as the service ended, and the merry couple made their way out of the church, through the swarm of well-wishers, Darcy's dream seemed to pop like a soap bubble before his eyes. _His_ Lizzy already belonged to someone else, and he was merely a bystander – a supporting player in this tragedy.

Neither Elizabeth nor Darcy had much time to feel sorry for themselves after the service had ended. The wedding breakfast was lavish and rather overcrowded. Longbourne had been stretched to capacity to accommodate all of the wedding guests, and as a result one could barely turn around without accidently bumping shoulders with one of the many guests.

Though Elizabeth had never experienced any problems in conversing with people, both Darcy and his sister's conversation skills were tested as they wove their way in and out of the throngs, making idle chit chat with whomever they happened to bump into.

"Well Mr Darcy, are they not the handsomest couple you ever set eyes on?" asked Mrs Bennet proudly as she and Mr Darcy nearly collided as he was coming around a corner.

"Indeed Mrs Bennet. My Congratulations again on your splendid arrangements, everything is breathtaking."

Mrs Bennet was somewhat stunned by Mr Darcy's sincere and heartfelt praise. She was momentarily dumbfounded; this gave Mr Darcy enough time to bow politely and beat a hasty retreat to the other side of the room.

He was about to congratulate himself on his narrow escape when his arm was seized from behind in the claw-like grip of Caroline Bingley's spindly arm.

"Oh Mr Darcy, how ever did you befriend my brother?" exclaimed Miss Bingley exasperatedly. She had seemed determined to outdo the bride on the big day and was therefore dressed in a most lavish silk gown in a startling, almost eye-watering shade of puce. Her fingers, wrists and neck all glittered and glinted with all the many rings, bracelets and necklaces that adorned them. But her crowning glory had to be her headdress; it was a dark plum coloured turban with a large peacock feather sticking out the side, the eye of which seemed to ogle those around it with a look of cool disdain – much like the look curling the lip of it's wearer.

"I beg your pardon Miss Bingley, I have not the pleasure of understanding you," coldly replied Darcy, bobbing his head slightly to the side in order to avoid having his eye poked out by Miss Bingley's monstrous feather.

"Why, simply that my brother can be such a fool sometimes – blinded by a pretty face! You could never be so foolish Mr Darcy." After a short pause to allow her words to sink in she continued, "he has been utterly taken in by these Bennets. It's one thing to befriend them, but to think that I must now call them family; it positively makes by blood run cold. How shall we ever be able to hold our heads up in society after this?"

Darcy's temper, which was always fairly volatile, had been stretched to near breaking point over the last several days. The comments that Caroline had made both to Elizabeth's face as well as behind her back had resulted in numerous awkward silences in which Darcy had attempted to calm himself before he said something to Caroline that may offend Charles.

In this instance however, he was not able to reign in his tongue and had uttered a sharp set down before he could even have chance to re-consider.

"On the contrary Miss Bingley, they are an open, sincere and loving family which, if society had any sense, it would be at pains to emulate. Their manners, which I have sometimes heard you decry, are vastly superior to that of many notable socialites of my acquaintance and it would be nothing but an honour and pleasure, were I, like yourself, able to call them family!" And with this rather acerbic speech he turned on his heel and melded back into the crowd of revellers.

Blinded by his fury over Caroline's presumption in imagining that he would share her bitter opinions and his shame in realising that at one point in time that is precisely how he had felt about them, he did not notice that Elizabeth, Georgiana, Mrs Gardiner and Charlotte Lucas were standing only a few feet away from where he and Caroline had been standing.

Though Elizabeth's bosom swelled with pride at what she had overheard, her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and her tongue was completely tied in knots.

Georgiana, too, looked somewhat discomfited by her brother's sudden and somewhat inappropriate outburst. Though Caroline's words were unforgivable and she had herself wished on several occasions to be able to offer that lady a dose of her own medicine, she had not thought her brother either so lacking in manners, or so completely blinded by love, to utter such a vicious retort, especially in such a public setting.

"It is remarkably refreshing to see a young man with such a steady head on his shoulders," commented Mrs Gardiner to Charlotte.

"Indeed, Mrs Gardiner, Mr Darcy is a man of few words, but I have always found that whatever he does say is often very profound and in this instance most just."

"It was wrong of Miss Bingley to speak so, but I would not have expected my brother to speak to a lady in such a way. You must please not judge him based on that un-gentlemanly speech Mrs Gardiner," muttered Georgiana, blushing scarlet at her need to make excuses for her brother.

"Perhaps he was a little sharp with her, but I am glad to note that he, unlike Miss Bingley, does not consider himself above his company. I may not know your brother Miss Darcy but I am already inclined to like him very much. What say you Elizabeth? Shall we excuse Mr Darcy this once, considering the provocation?" asked Mrs Gardiner.

Elizabeth had not been able to raise her eyes to look at her friends but when her Aunt asked such a pertinent question Elizabeth's eye's flashed to her Aunts face and were stunned by the distinctly roguish glint she saw reflected there. Why were her friends and family so determined to make her as uncomfortable as possible?

Most of the wedding guests were to remain in Hertfordshire the evening following the wedding. The bride and groom departed for London immediately after the breakfast, where they were to spend their first evening as a married couple. The following day they would depart for the continent, to spend three months touring Europe for their honeymoon.

The moment of their departure had been a bitter sweet moment for Elizabeth. She had wished for this for her sister for so long; to see her face so consumed by pure bliss, to know that she would have a happy life – married to a man whom she loved with her entire being and who loved her equally in return. But she also knew that it would be many months before she would see her Jane again. Despite the similarities, she couldn't compare her feelings now to what she had felt following her own wedding. Then she felt as if she were being forcibly ripped apart from all her friends and family and everything and everyone whom she loved so dearly – off to start a new life built upon despair and loneliness. Now, despite her sadness at the loss of her sister, she didn't feel abandoned and alone; she had her friends to bear her company and lift her spirits.

She had been ruminating on the change of her circumstances the night after the wedding, when a soft voice broke through her idle daydream.

"It was truly a beautiful wedding. I cannot recall ever seeing Charles look as happy as he did today. And your sister too, was radiant in her joy," commented Mr Darcy, as he sat watching Elizabeth where she was curled up on the window seat staring out over the darkening twilit grounds of Netherfield.

She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled warmly in response. "I believe my mother was correct when she exclaimed that they are the handsomest couple that ever was seen. Love and happiness truly suits them."

Elizabeth was hesitant to say more. She wanted to thank him for the letter that he had written to Charles after she had told Darcy of Jane's feelings for him. She wanted to tell him that he had brought about this happy union, through his declaration of love for herself, and his humble and sincere apology for misjudging her sister and her family; his actions ensured that at least Jane's suffering had been of short duration. But she could not say more as Georgiana was sitting by the piano absent-mindedly looking through some sheet music.

Though Mr & Mrs Hurst had both retired for the night and Caroline had claimed a headache and beat a hasty retreat to her room shortly after they arrived back from Longbourne, Georgiana seemed adamant to remain with her brother and her friend.

In truth she was utterly exhausted and would have loved nothing more than to curl up under the covers, safely tucked away in her room, but she could not risk leaving the two of them alone. She had not thought that she would end up playing the role of duenna to her brother but he had admitted to her that he was not strong enough in Elizabeth's presence. If she could do nothing more for him, at least she could ensure that he did not do something that he may regret.

Darcy didn't need Elizabeth to say anymore. His thoughts were also turned towards that painful evening back at Hunsford all those months ago. At least some good had come of it.

Georgiana had been pretending to look through a pile of music which Mrs Hurst had laid near the piano but all the while her ears were straining to hear the conversation between her brother and Elizabeth. But now the two sat silently, staring into each other's eyes. By the dark clouds that shadowed their faces she could only assume that they were both lost in bitter remembrances and self-recrimination. If only she could at least see them happy again.

"Brother?" said Georgiana suddenly. "Please may we go to Pemberley? It seems like such an age since we were last there, and I long desperately for the comfort of home."

"Well of course Georgie, if you so wish. We can make the arrangements when we get back to London. You shall of course have to ask Mrs Annesley if she would mind cutting short her visit to her sister so that she may accompany you. I'm sure she won't mind as she too loves Derb..."

"Oh, she does not need to come with us brother, I'm sure Lizzy would constitute a suitable chaperone for me," she replied innocently, smiling warmly at Elizabeth, who had gone from a ghostly shade of grey to bright shade of pink in the last few seconds.

"Georgie I couldn't possibly come with you. You are very kind to invite me, but I must stay behind in London and see to Mr Collins' recovery," stammered Elizabeth.

"You have had news... from Dr Ashforth... about Mr Collins? He is improving?" asked Darcy tentatively, gripping the cushions of the sofa for support.

Elizabeth's blush deepened further at the scorching look that Darcy was giving her and her heart was wrung by the sad hopelessness that seemed to be reflected in his eyes. "No, I have not heard from Dr Ashforth since we left London, but irrespective of my husband's recovery or non-recovery, my place is with him."

"Damn your husband!" bellowed Darcy, slamming his fist down on the armrest in his anger. "Why does he get to have all of you, and I nothing? God, will my punishment never cease?" With this tortured tirade, he leapt to his feet and stormed from the room.

Both ladies were left frozen in shock at his outburst; the silent tears racing each other down Elizabeth's cheeks, the only outward portrayal of her anguish.

Georgiana was first to recover herself. She hastily walked over to where Elizabeth sat and, sitting down beside her, gently rested her head on Lizzy's shoulder.

"I know you want to do the proper and respectable thing Lizzy, but isn't that what caused all of this heartache to begin with?" whispered Georgiana. "Please come with us. I long to show you Pemberley, and you need a chance to recover your spirits. You will not be able to help Mr Collins anyway; he is best left in the care of Dr Ashforth.

"I promise I shall take care that my brother does not tease you. He is suffering, but it is not of your causing. Fitzwilliam shall be himself again in the morrow; it has just been a very trying day for him – for obvious reasons. Please, forgive him, and say that you will come."

Elizabeth took hold of Georgiana's hand as it rested in her lap and gently squeezed her long slender fingers. "Oh Georgie, I see why your brother can't refuse you anything," said Lizzy, smiling weakly through her tears. "I shall come. You are right when you say that there is nothing I can do for Mr Collins now, only time will tell. But do not be so quick to believe me innocent of causing your brother pain; we were both at fault, but where he has been able to rectify his mistake, I am not.

"Oh dear Georgiana, do you think there is anything I could possibly do to make your brother happy again?"

Georgiana raised her head and looked Elizabeth in the eye. "I can think of only one thing Lizzy, and that is not possible," she said, sadly shaking her head and casting her gaze down toward her lap.

"Then perhaps my presence will be enough to at least lessen his suffering for now, but what I wouldn't give to see him truly happy."

Georgiana didn't reply, she merely rested her head back down on Elizabeth's shoulder as together they watched the grounds of Netherfield get swallowed up by nights thick mantle.


	17. Promises

**Chapter 17:**

_Pemberley_

_July28th _

_Dear Charles,_

_I hope that you are well and that you are both recovered from your 'horrid crossing'. My thoughts were with you at the time, as the storm that broke over land was severe; I can imagine that over the channel it must have seemed relentless indeed. We too were engulfed by the unexpected tempest._

_Georgiana had, after the wedding, expressed her desire to return to Derbyshire, and had desired Mrs Collins to accompany her. Naturally, given the heavy burden which Mrs Collins has lately had to bear she was in eager need of the retreat which Pemberley would afford, but her natural loyalty to her husband caused her some disquiet about abandoning him in London._

_I know that you and I did not part on pleasant terms Bingley, and for that I must apologise. I did not want to hear your warnings and strictures, but it did not make them any less pertinent for all my arguments against them._

_As per our argument and your counsel the night before your wedding, I think we can now both agree that I was not the proper person to either encourage or condemn Mrs Collins her choice to remain in London or to accompany my sister to Pemberley. Though I resented your officiousness, I promised you that I would not do anything to jeopardize Mrs Collins safety or reputation and I hold by that promise, however difficult I may sometimes find it. She is dearer to me than I can describe and your warnings were not necessary to put me on my guard. I also bear you no ill will for what you said to me that night. I know we have been good friends for these many years but Mrs Collins is now your sister and as such you, as her only brother, have the responsibility to safeguard her welfare, though I can assure you that I share your responsibility; not out of duty but out of love – I shall not let any harm befall Elizabeth._

_As it was, Georgiana would brook no disappointment and insisted that Mrs Collins journey with us to Derbyshire. I believe; however, that despite Mrs Collins eventual capitulation my sister was unsure of the steadfastness of her friends resolve and as such hurried our departure from London for the day after we returned there from Netherfield. _

_I saw no need for our immediate removal, but as Georgiana seemed so adamant, we set off early the following morning, (Georgiana has grown so strong willed and mature of late I sometimes get the feeling that it is she who looks after me, rather than the other way around.)_

_The rain was only a slight drizzle as we exited London, but the true storm broke not ten miles outside of the city. _

Here, Darcy laid aside his pen, remembering the journey from London to Pemberley, which was still so vivid in his mind.

After they had arrived back in London from Netherfield and had heard from Dr. Ashforth that the patient was unchanged, Mrs Collins allowed herself to be persuaded to accompany Georgiana to Derbyshire. Georgiana had insisted that they depart immediately and only after Darcy had explained the impossibility of that course of action had she yielded, but only in part. She agreed to delay their departure but only until the following morning. Mrs Collins seemed as eager as Georgiana to escape London after her mind had been made up and she had eagerly agreed to Georgiana's plan. As such it was left to Darcy to make the necessary arrangements that afternoon, whilst the ladies and their maids hurriedly packed trucks and portmanteaux until near bursting point.

The cavalcade had departed shortly after day break in a fine mizzle of rain. Darcy had been seated opposite Mrs Collins and his sister inside the large travelling carriage; another carriage laden with their baggage was travelling at a more laborious pace behind them. Though the air inside the carriage was cool with the darkening weather, Mrs Collins' cheeks seemed warm and flushed. She had not made eye contact with him since his outburst at Netherfield, even though Darcy had been unable to take his eyes from her face. Her only reply to his patent stares had been to avert her eyes (normally toward her lap), and to blush profusely.

He had been ashamed of his indecorous outburst that evening but as he watched the gentle rosy colour settle on her smooth alabaster cheeks, he could not help thinking that perhaps his rude and otherwise inappropriate declaration had been worthwhile simply to see her beautifully flushed countenance.

As he had sat opposite her, the air in the carriage had begun to feel stifling and it grew warmer by the minute. It had seemed that as the atmosphere outside the carriage grew heavier and thicker so too did the atmosphere within the carriage.

He didn't know if Georgiana was immune to the growing tension or if she was purposefully trying to ignore its insistent presence; but she merely stared out of the window at the passing countryside which was almost totally obscured by the now sheeting rain. He could tell that something had changed. He was sure that his sister and her friend had come to some arrangement or agreement in his absence that night at Netherfield, but for what purpose he could not fathom. Georgiana had always been at pains to impress upon him the necessity of his absolute discretion regarding Elizabeth and now it would seem as if she was determined to overlook his growing ardour and unchecked passion. He had been determined to have the truth out of his sister as soon as they reached Pemberley, but until then he chose to revel in her lax chaperonage.

The remainder of their journey had been sweet torture to him. He had eventually managed to entice Elizabeth into some idle chatter but she still tried to avoid his unrelenting gaze. She had been near enough to him that his whole body seemed to ache with his need to reach out and take hold of her hand; the air itself seemed to pulse with his urgent desire, but he couldn't do it. Not only had he promised Georgiana and Charles but more importantly he had promised Elizabeth that he would protect her and look after her – she deserved better, and he would give her all the strength he could muster.

It was with this fresh image in his mind's eye that he once again picked up his pen;

_Our journey, though tedious and made somewhat uncomfortable by the storm, was otherwise uneventful. _

_Though we have only been here in Derbyshire for a short while it would seem as though the country side is doing Mrs Collins good. (I write the following more for your wife's sake than your own.) Her colour has vastly improved; she has resumed her walks and has even attempted to accompany Georgiana on horseback once or twice. Her humour too, has returned in almost full measure, and though occasionally I feel as if perhaps the two of them are plotting something, I think they have been good for each other..._

Georgiana had denied having any secret pacts or plans between herself and Elizabeth when Darcy had questioned her, but the odd martial gleam in her eyes belied her absolute innocence; Darcy however either didn't see her peculiar expression or else chose not to see it – his mind was too full of Elizabeth to spare much time for what his sister may or may not be up to.

While finishing off the last few lines of his letter he was interrupted by the library door opening to admit Mrs Collins.

"I'm sorry if I am interrupting you Mr Darcy, I had believed Georgiana to be in here. I shall leave you in peace," she finished, turning hastily around to head back out the still open door.

"May I not serve in my sisters stead Miss Elizabeth?" he inquired, using her now customary moniker.

"Only if you are in want of a little exercise Sir, for the day is too beautiful to waste by being cooped up inside and I was therefore planning on dragging Georgie around the lake."

"Well, then I understand why my sister has hidden herself away from you Ma'am. I would ordinarily betray her and inform you that her favourite hiding place is in my mother's old bedroom, where she is fond of burying herself with her poetry books; but it just so happens that I am in desperate need of a little exercise and I, unlike my sister am an excellent walker," he challenged.

"Indeed Mr Darcy, one really ought to know one's limitations; after all I would neither profess to be an excellent rider nor would I challenge someone of your ability to a race. May I humbly advise you not to challenge me when it comes to walking, for indeed Miss Bingley herself could attest to the fact that I am able to trudge three miles cross-country, carrying at least five pounds of extra weight in dried mud caked to my petticoats and boots!"

"Touché!" laughed Darcy, "I yield to your obviously superior ability; and can only beg you to be gentle with me!"

"Am I not disturbing your writing Mr Darcy?" enquired Elizabeth more seriously.

"Not at all, I was simply replying to a letter I had received from Charles. They had a somewhat hair-raising journey it would seem."

"Yes, I received a letter from Jane as well. She of course enjoyed it vastly as no one but Jane can enjoy anything so horrendous."

"Well it would seem she had good company then, for Charles' letter was remarkably upbeat for someone who was nearly washed overboard – twice!"

Elizabeth giggled in reply thinking fondly of her sister and new brother in law, and on the perfect match their union really was. When Darcy offered her his arm she gripped it warmly, remembering all that she had to be thankful for and to whom she owed it all.


	18. The happy news

**Chapter 18**

"My father used to bring us here to fish. He had a theory that the fish favoured this particular spot because of the way the sunlight is filtered through the trees on the bank of the lake, and the dappled reflection that is created lures the fish in."

Darcy and Elizabeth had been walking through the grounds for some time. Darcy had inadvertently wandered around showing Elizabeth all of the places that were the most special to him as a boy, reminiscing about all of his childhood exploits.

Elizabeth was astonished by his openness in relating these obviously personal and intimate histories to an outsider such as herself, but she also revelled in it. When she had first met Mr Darcy she had known him to be a cold hearted, mean spirited gentleman who found himself to be too good for his company. It wasn't until that fateful week in Kent that she had begun to realise how wrong she was, how she had misjudged him and misread his character. She had realized during his declaration that he was passionate and felt deeply and keenly. He was shy and reserved, but he was kind, and he could be open when he felt no danger of judgement or entrapment.

She realized now, that had she been given a choice of any man in the world to marry it would be Mr Darcy. They could talk for ages about their shared interests in books and music, and yet after hours she could listen still more intently as he described places she had never seen or people she had never met. Even now as his eyes glazed over as he became lost in his memory she was moved by his intensity and couldn't help but share his ardour and enthusiasm.

She didn't think there would ever come a time when she could stop castigating herself for her blindness and her prejudice towards this man; though she had been denied the joy of becoming his wife, she hoped that in time he would find another woman who more rightly deserved him than she ever did – though hopefully not too soon.

It was while they were slowly wending their way back through the park towards the colossal mansion that they noticed a slim figure huddled in a cloak and bonnet trudging through the grounds in their direction.

"Well, it would seem as if Georgie changed her mind after all," commented Elizabeth, motioning towards the oncoming figure.

"It is more likely that she felt it would not be proper to leave the two of us un-chaperoned."

Elizabeth could feel Darcy tense up next to her as he ground out these bitter words and noticed that he took a step to the side to increase the distance between them which had, during their meander, slowly shrunk until their arms were in fact touching; though he had not overstepped propriety so much as to offer her his arm.

The blood rushed to Elizabeth's cheeks but she stared steadfastly at Georgiana as she tramped ever closer. It was only after Georgiana was close enough that Elizabeth could see the floral print of her frock that she realized Georgie had not ventured out of doors on a mission to salvage Elizabeth's virtue, but rather because in her small little hand she clasped a letter; and Elizabeth knew there could be only one correspondent whose writing would necessitate Georgie seeking out the recipient and delivering the letter in person.

Elizabeth's emotions were a riot of confusion and yet her face was calm and expressionless. Darcy's eyes had also glimpsed the parchment clasped in Georgiana's delicate fingers and his mind, like Elizabeth he had also made the connection to London; however, he was not as easily able to school his features as Elizabeth was and his pale cheeks and dark eyes reflected the disquiet of his mind.

Georgiana's pace slowed and her gait faltered as she approached the couple as they stood, seemingly immovable on the grassy verge; she, the harbinger of both the dark and the light.

"This express came just now for you Lizzy," she said gently, extending the letter out for Elizabeth to grasp, but Elizabeth didn't move to take it. "Lizzy?" stammered Georgiana; her eyes darting nervously between Elizabeth and her brother in silent enquiry.

Eventually, after what felt like an age to Georgiana, Elizabeth slowly reached forward to take the letter from her. With shaking hands, yet a steely resolve, she gently broke the wax seal and opening the missive hastily scanned over the Doctors barely legible scrawl.

Every second felt like an eternity to Darcy as he stood to Elizabeth's side waiting in exquisite torture for her to reveal the contents of the letter. Too soon for Elizabeth, yet not soon enough for Darcy, Elizabeth folded up the paper and looking only at Georgiana said, "Mr Collins passed away in the early hours of this morning after suffering what Dr Ashforth believes to be another stroke. It seems that this time he was not strong enough to survive it. I must go pack at once… I must write to my father, he will come…I must go immediately…" Elizabeth's speech became more and more harried and incoherent as the shock of the news finally seemed to be sinking in.

Darcy feared that she may collapse but he couldn't risk placing his arms about her waist to support her, instead he all but shoved his sister towards Elizabeth commanding Georgiana to assist Elizabeth back to the house. He then, without further comment, dashed off towards the house himself and within a few minutes had disappeared from the ladies view entirely.

Elizabeth and Georgiana had been ensconced in the music room; Georgie vainly trying to soothe Elizabeth who was visibly shaking from the shock of the good Doctors fateful news. She wasn't sad nor was she crying but for some inexplicable reason her whole body was trembling so vigorously that she wasn't even able to hold her cup of tea to her lips and her friend was trying to assist her lest she scald herself with the restorative draught.

It was while thus employed that Darcy entered the room. Elizabeth looked up at him, bewildered and vulnerable; but Georgiana was at a loss to describe the look on her brother's face. He seemed to once again revert back to his 'Lord of the manor' stature and after first gently removing the hot cup of tea from Elizabeth's unsteady grasp and replacing it with a glass of sweet wine, he then seated himself directly opposite Elizabeth, silently observing her as she sipped her wine obediently.

Georgiana now noticed that her brother had changed his attire, and was now wearing his riding boots and caped great coat. "Brother, are you going to Lon..?" she began to enquire before he cut her off.

"Yes," he said without looking at her, addressing himself only to Elizabeth. "I leave immediately. I hope you don't think it presumptuous of me Mrs Collins…" the name seeming to come a lot easier to him now, "…but I have also sent an express to your father. I have informed him of the passing of Mr Collins and requested him to journey to London as soon as may be."

"But you can't leave n-now," stammered Elizabeth, "it will be dark in a couple of hours. You will not reach London before night fall."

Darcy extended his fingers to tenderly brush across Elizabeth's wan cheek.

"Fitzwilliam!" hissed Georgiana in scandalized accents; "one of the servants could enter."

Darcy either didn't hear or chose to ignore his younger sister, as the pad of his thumb gently traced a line across Elizabeth's jaw bone. "It is not the first time I have ridden through the night. I know the road well as does my horse; no harm shall befall us."

Seeming to come to his senses again, he slowly dropped his outstretched hand, using it to firmly grip the arm rest of his chair before continuing; "I have arranged with Mrs Reynolds that you and Georgiana are to depart Pemberley tomorrow morning after breakfast. My valet shall be your escort. I am hoping that by the time you reach London your father will have already installed himself in my town house. He shall be a comfort to you while I make the necessary arrangements for your husband's… well…for Mr Collins."With these awkward words he hastily stood and prepared to take his leave of the ladies.

"Mr Darcy, you have been so kind to me, but you take too much upon yourself. I cannot ask this of you," quietly chastised Elizabeth, getting haltingly to her feet.

"You did not ask it," was Darcy's simple reply before bowing abruptly and leaving the two friends to their own devices.

Elizabeth had been able to bear up well when she had read the news of Mr Collins' passing but for some reason Mr Darcy's departure had been too much for her frayed nerves and she dissolved into a puddle of tears.

**-xxooOooxx-**

_Rosings Park_

_August 2nd_

_My dearest Jane,_

_I know not how you will receive the news which I am about to relate but I trust that dear Charles shall be there to comfort you, either way. _

_Mr Collins is dead. Perhaps it seems cruel to write it so starkly but it is the truth. He breathed his last breath on Tuesday morning. You may note – hopefully with understanding – that I do not refer to him as my husband, for that he never truly was, but though he never loved me nor I him, he was never brutal or unkind. I am sorry for his passing only in that he was still young and was cut down before his time, but for my own selfish reasons I am glad his suffering has ended. _

_He is to be buried later this afternoon and I will not shed any tears over his grave. I hope that now that you have been married these last few weeks that you are now better able to understand the awkwardness and distress occasioned by my marriage to Mr Collins and you will not judge me too harshly. I know that in the end it was my choice to marry him; though I blamed Papa for many months I know that had I stood firm and flatly refused to marry him that Papa would not have used force to compel me to wed my cousin. No, it was my choice, and though perhaps ignorant of certain of the degradations awaiting me, I acquiesced to the union for the sake of you and Mama and our other sisters. I know that now my sacrifice has proven to be unnecessary but I also know that if given the choice between my own happiness and that of my family I should not hesitate to make the same decision again, and the strength of that knowledge gives me comfort now._

_I was fortunate enough to receive the sad tidings while I was staying with Miss Darcy and her brother in Derbyshire. I say 'fortunate' for dear Georgiana has been such a good kind friend to me, and her brother scarcely less so, that thanks to them I have not had even a moment's concern regarding the arrangements for the funeral. Mr Darcy was kind enough to arrange with his Cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, for Mr Collins to be buried in Rosings' Cemetery; I think Mr Collins would have liked that very much and if this small thing is all I am able to do for him then I am happy._

_Papa journeyed from Longbourne as soon as he received the news and shortly after joining Georgiana and myself in London, accompanied us on our journey to Kent. Of course Mr Darcy would brook no opposition to his carefully laid out plans and as such there has been very little for Papa to do since arriving at Rosings, but then, as Lady Anne was kind enough to invite us all to stay at Rosings and that establishment has one of the finest Libraries in the county, I do not think Papa has minded being excluded. My only fear is how I shall ever get him to leave now that he has discovered this treasure._

_I know dear Jane that it is in your nature to worry and fret but be assured that I am well, and have the best of good friends around to care for me. _

_All my love to you and Charles both,_

_Lizzy_

"Perhaps now you will understand…" muttered Elizabeth, as she wrote the address of the hotel where her sister was currently residing.

"I beg your pardon Lizzy, did you say something?" Asked Georgiana, lifting her head from the pages of her book to address Elizabeth where she was seated at the writing desk.

"I simply wondered if the funeral was nearly over yet?" replied Elizabeth, setting her letter on the silver salver on the edge of the desk, to be posted.

"I'm sure it won't be much longer Lizzy," answered Georgiana softly.

Anne too had looked up from her embroidery to address Elizabeth. "Indeed Mrs Collins, my cousin had told me that everything should be concluded by tea time, where after they would return to Rosings for refreshments."

Anne had improved greatly since Elizabeth had last seen her. She looked strong and healthy; the colour had returned to her cheeks and the roundness of her now obviously protruding belly seemed to suit her. She also no longer shied away from conversation as had been her want while Lady Catherine lived; on the contrary, Elizabeth had hardly been able to get a word in edgeways since their arrival at Rosings.

Georgiana had been less than pleased at the prospect of having to stay under the same roof as Anne and her now husband - Georgiana's secret love; but whether Anne knew of Georgiana's broken heart or whether from motives of pure hospitality, she had made the two ladies and Mr Bennet so welcome in her home that Georgiana could not help but warm to her; and had even crept into Elizabeth's chamber on their first evening in Kent, after everyone had retired for bed, to remark about Anne's changed behaviour.

"Indeed I almost do not know her. She neither looks nor sounds anything like my cousin and yet it is her. It is also most tiresome as I had sworn to loathe her for eternity, but that just isn't possible any more – she's far too nice."

Elizabeth remembered how stern and cold Georgie had been to Anne when they had first arrived and how the very next day she had relaxed her severe demeanour towards Anne and the two had become fast friends. Elizabeth noted the similarities between Georgiana and her brother and noted too, with shame, how easy it was to misjudge someone whom you did not know, based merely on your own personal prejudices.

She was glad Georgie had overcome her heartache and her jealousy of Anne, both cousins deserved happiness. Anne had found hers with Richard and Elizabeth felt that Georgiana would soon forget her cousin as soon as she was introduced to society; her beauty, talents and temperament would guarantee that she would be a huge success in her first season.

At least Georgie's future was somewhat secure. Elizabeth had spent many hours pondering over her own future. Before Mr Collins' death circumstances were too uncertain, but now there was really only one choice before her; she would have to return to Longbourne.

These depressing thoughts had been wafting through her head for several minutes (or perhaps hours), when she finally realised that she was being addressed by someone.

"Miss Elizabeth, are you quite well?"

"Thank you Mr Darcy, I am as well as can be expected," replied Elizabeth. "I take it the funeral is over?" she asked in return. He merely nodded his head to signal his assent.

"I am glad." At these words a strange look came over Darcy's features but before he could voice his confusion Elizabeth, having guessed his thoughts pre-empted him. "I know one should not express gladness at the passing of one's husband Sir; I am merely glad that everything is finally at an end and I can go on as before."

"Before? Does that mean you have decided to return to Longbourne?"

"I don't believe there's much to decide. I have nowhere else to go. Perhaps when Jane returns I may spend more of my time with her but that will not be for some time, and even then I would not wish to intrude upon my sister and your friends new found marital felicity. No, I shall return home and in time I shall teach Jane's children how to sew, and draw and play their instruments very ill, and no doubt eventually die an old maid," laughed Elizabeth, her hollow accents ringing with irony; though somehow knowing that Mr Collins was now finally gone had made her feel suddenly lighter. Mr Darcy however did not seem to share her joviality.

"You know that will not happen – I shan't allow it!" he hissed menacingly under his breath. Nobody around them seemed to hear him as they all continued with their whispered conversations while sipping their tea. "How can you not know that, after all this time? My affections are unchanged. I had hoped that perhaps...you had seemed to favour..."

"Mr Darcy please, I beg you not to continue. My husband, (forgive me the term, he was that in law if nothing else,) is not yet cold in his grave. I cannot allow you to proceed further. I know your affections are unchanged; mine however, are so altered that I can hardly think of what they were without shame and abhorrence. Yet despite this I still cannot tell you what you want to hear Mr Darcy. Please, just give me time," asked Elizabeth, a look of desperation on her face as she willed him to understand her and not to be hurt by her words. Had she dared she may even have taken hold of his hands which were resting on his lap so near to her own that she could almost feel the heat coming off of them.

"Of Course Madam; I shall give you all the time you need." And with these words he stood up and moved to the other side of the room to talk to his cousin.

Elizabeth's face blanched at his sudden withdrawal and she was left desolate and more alone than she had ever felt before.


	19. The uncertain truth

**Chapter 19:**

Time. Elizabeth had certainly enjoyed plenty of it. The days, weeks and months dragged on interminably. It had now been almost ten months since Mr Collins' funeral, and since she had last seen Mr Darcy. True to his word he had not pressurised Elizabeth into any decision, in fact; he had not spoken to her at all, neither by mail nor in person. He had not even, (to the best of Elizabeth's knowledge – which included all the gossips in Meryton) set foot on Hertfordshire soil since they had departed Netherfield the day after Jane and Bingley's wedding.

Every day since Elizabeth and Mr Darcy's separation had been spent in much the same manner. Elizabeth, not being the sort of person to mope about and drift into a decline, instead tried to occupy herself with any and all tasks in order to while away the hours.

Her mother, an indolent woman by nature, had always been astounded by the amount of boundless energy perpetually displayed by her second eldest child, but since Elizabeth's return to Longbourne Mrs Bennet had been at a loss of what to do with her. Many a day has come in which the mere thought of Elizabeth's restless and relentless activity was enough to force Mrs Bennet to remain abed rather than suffer the resultant headache which would be sure to follow if she were forced to bear witness to it.

But despite her activity, each and every day ended with the same undeniable truth clawing its way to the forefront of her mind, forcing Elizabeth to admit that she was and still is deeply in love with Mr Darcy.

She tried convincing herself otherwise; citing his many defaults as cause enough to loath him, but somehow got distracted by the remembrances of his eyes as they seemed to glow with an inner fire every time he looked at her; which was more often than not. She then tried to convince herself that she merely felt a debt of gratitude to the man; it was, after all, thanks to him that Jane and Bingley were reunited, that Mr Collins was cared for so meticulously, and that she herself was looked after and cared for as if she were a member of his family. This tack was however; as doomed to failure as the former as she realised that his kind and generous nature (a fact that she had previously completely overlooked), was just one of the many things she loved about him.

No, she would have to face the two facts looming before her – she loved him; and she would probably never see him again.

"Lizzy. Lizzy? Lizzy! Are you still with us Lizzy, or are you back in Derbyshire with your Mr Darcy?"

"I was merely admiring the beautiful view Charlotte," answered Elizabeth rather self consciously, after one of the numerous attempts by her friend to claim her attention finally seemed to hit its mark.

"I would imagine the beautiful view would pale in comparison to the site of Mr Darcy galloping into the foreground?"

"Charlotte, please! By your account I am no better than Lydia or Kitty when presented with the view of a man in a red coat! I can assure you that the scenery shall always rank first in my estimation…though perhaps a view of Mr Darcy upon his horse would rank a close second." Elizabeth smiled mischievously at Charlotte after her saucy retort and was rewarded when Charlotte let out a delicate giggle in response.

"Dear little Charles has finally nodded off to sleep. He's such a good little boy; Nurse says that he is the most perfect little baby she has ever seen," crooned Jane as she re-entered the little parlour at Netherfield that had become the common place for the three fine ladies to gather over a cup of tea and discuss – well, just about everything. "Oh do please tell me what has given Charlotte a fit of the giggles," enquired Jane as soon as she realized that she had obviously entered the room just after an amusing anecdote had been related. "It is my luck that I should have to leave the room just when something amusing is about to occur."

"Nonsense my dear Jane; Charlotte was merely teasing me and I simply paid her back with her own coin."

"Well if that is all then I am sure I can guess the means she employed to stoke your spirit into retaliation; but I'm afraid that she shall be outdone by me after I tell you that Charles has invited Mr Darcy to Netherfield to officially make the acquaintance of his godson. Now what say you to that Lizzy?"

Though Elizabeth could not help the blush that flared across her cheeks her heart sank at the truth she was about to utter; "He won't come. Charles has invited him several times before now, and he has declined the invitation every time."

"Which is precisely why I didn't want to mention anything to you until Charles received his reply, which he did this morning; Mr Darcy has assured Charles that this time nothing would prevent his visit to Hertfordshire and that we should await his arrival by noon tomorrow."

"Well if that be so then it can have nothing to do with me. I believe he has made his sentiments quite clear as it regards me, he fulfilled his obligation as a Christian gentleman and now wants nothing more to do with me."

"If that were true Elizabeth then why has he so steadfastly avoided your company over the last year?"

Elizabeth didn't reply, she merely looked back out of the large window over the green sloping grounds towards the horizon.

"Well if you truly don't know the answer to that question then allow me to assist you; he has avoided you because you asked him to. He has avoided you because the damage to your reputation would have been irreparable had he begun to pay his addresses to you before your husband was even cold in his grave; and worse still, had you been seen to return those affections so soon after your husband's passing. There, does that adequately answer the purpose?"

"Perhaps Charlotte, or perhaps he has simply avoided my company because he does not desire it," said Elizabeth getting up off the chaise and walking toward the window. "You are a good friend Charlotte but not all the best wishes in the world can make someone fall in love with someone for whom they have no regard. I will forever be thankful to Mr Darcy for his friendship during those trying months but I must be realistic, he believed me indifferent and as such has moved on with his life. Now I must attempt to do the same."

"Moved on Lizzy? Has Georgiana said anything about Mr Darcy? Is he engaged?" asked Jane worriedly shifting her gaze between her sister and Charlotte.

"No, she and I have reached an unspoken agreement to not speak of Mr Darcy's affairs. I could not expect a sister to betray her brother so," answered Elizabeth.

"How can you say that Mr Darcy does not love you Lizzy? You were the one who told us not so many months ago that he was so besotted by you that he even overthrew all the bounds of propriety in declaring himself to you whilst you were still a married woman. A man so in love does not simply forget about the object of his affections and 'move on' with his life."

"Oh Charlotte, don't you see; that is precisely my point! If He truly loved me as much as he had once professed to do, would he have purposefully avoided my company for so long? Especially as now the impropriety of his affections would be considerably lessened by the fact that I am now widowed."

"On the contrary Lizzy, his attentions would be considered even more unseemly so soon after Mr Collins' demise. Before, you were a married woman and were naturally protected by your vows, but now you are a young widow - food for gossip and scandal," said Charlotte matter-of-factly.

"Indeed my dear Lizzy, listen to Charlotte," said Jane leaning forward in her chair to address her obviously agitated sister. "Mr Darcy still cares deeply for you, of that I have no doubt. His withdrawal from your company was to safeguard your reputation, that is all."

"He was not so eager to safeguard my reputation that afternoon after Mr Collins' funeral. Had I not reminded him of my new circumstances; had I not told him that it was impossible for me to even think about anything else at that moment, I feel sure that he would probably have made me an offer then and there."

"Well there you have it Lizzy. You did not dissuade him out of his regard for you, you simply brought him back to his senses," said Charlotte, smiling as she gently sipped her tea.

"No Charlotte, I chased him away. I told him to leave me be, not to press me further or to cause tongues to wag by his continued attentions. I did not mean that I never wished to see him again!" Elizabeth looked down at the carpet as she tried to gather the courage to speak the truth that she knew in her heart. "He must have thought I was indifferent to him and as such, has chosen to forget me."

"Lizzy," whispered Jane, who had gotten off her seat and approached Elizabeth by the window. She gently placed her hands on her sister's shoulders and turned her around to face her. "I know that during all of your trials and heartache I was not where I ought to have been, and though I cannot change the past allow me to comfort you now with words which I know firsthand to be true – it is not such an easy task to forget about someone when you have loved them with all of your heart. You see them in every face that passes you by; you hear their voice in every whisper of the wind, and feel their touch on your skin even when you are completely alone. He will come, Lizzy, and by his still fervent love for you he will prove that what I have said is true, I promise."

Charlotte couldn't add anything to Jane's speech, never having felt that kind of love before, but she hoped deep down in her heart that what she had said was true - for Elizabeth's sake.

Needing to clear her head and examine her heart yet again, Elizabeth excused herself, choosing to walk through the grounds in order to attempt to make sense of what Jane had said. She knew her sister was trying to ease her pain but then she thought back to all of the letters that she received from Jane shortly after her marriage to Mr Collins, and how empty and cold they had seemed by Jane's standards. She knew her sister had been heartbroken by Charles' abrupt departure but only now that she was feeling the same pain did she fully understand just how difficult it must have been for Jane during that time; and she didn't even have the luxury of her sister to comfort her, as Elizabeth had been blinded by her own troubles at the time.

'Poor Jane,' thought Elizabeth, 'if you only knew that you owed your pain and suffering to Mr Darcy's meddling, you would not perhaps be so eager to wish him to still be in love with me. But then again, if you knew that you owed all your joy and happiness, including that little darling now asleep in his crib, to Mr Darcy, the forgiving creature that you are, you would exonerate him of all blame, would embrace him warmly and would no doubt love him as I do.'

Elizabeth was lost in thought; daydreaming of Mr Darcy, the walk they had taken around Pemberley together, the intimate evenings around the dinner table, that day in Mr Darcy's study at his house in London when both of them had so nearly forgotten all propriety. If she closed her eyes she could still feel the heat of his breath on her face and feel the roiling coils of fire that seemed to radiate out of his body as he stood pressed up so close to her. While lost in this passionate haze a voice, seemingly distant and dreamlike, suddenly became clearer and awakened her from her trance.

Without realising where she had been wandering, she had ambled around to the front entrance of Netherfield, and there a little distance in front of her stood Mr Darcy, just now handing over the reins of his horse to a footman.

Elizabeth hastened to scurry back into the shadows beside the house but Mr Darcy turned around at precisely the wrong moment and stared straight at her with a look of disbelief. But what other emotion seemed to lurk behind those eyes – could it be happiness?

"Miss Elizabeth. It is you," said Mr Darcy as after nearly a whole minute had passed with the two of them locked in each other's gaze, he hurriedly walked up to meet her. "I beg your pardon for staring; I could not believe to find you here, at Netherfield."

"Mr Darcy!" uttered Elizabeth in absolute astonishment; her cheeks glowing red at the remembrance of the images that had just been flitting through her mind's eye and the heat which still flared within her core. "You are come?"

"I am early; I only intended to arrive tomorrow but found that I was able to conclude my business in town much sooner than I had hoped. I am only just now arrived. Charles' man said that he is currently busy with his steward so I thought to stretch my legs in his garden until his meeting was concluded. I see you have had a similar notion."

"Oh! Yes," was the only reply that came to Elizabeth's lips.

"I hope you are well, Miss Elizabeth? And your family is in good health?"

"Indeed, yes sir, we are all in excellent health," stammered Elizabeth. "I am often now at Netherfield – to help Jane with little Charles."

"Of course," said Mr Darcy awkwardly.

After this exchange all dialogue ceased for several minutes. Elizabeth was trying to look at anything other than Mr Darcy's face and Mr Darcy was desperately trying to make Elizabeth look in his eyes without actually taking hold of her face in his hands and bending it to his will. She always did infuriate him!

Eventually after what seemed an age to both parties, Elizabeth broke the silence with more common places. "I trust Georgiana is well?"

"Yes, I believe she is, though I would imagine that you would have better knowledge of her than I do at present. I have not yet had a reply to my last letter to her."

"She wrote to tell me that she is currently residing with your Aunt in London. She is of course too modest to mention it but it would seem by all the accounts of the balls and parties and breakfast's she has been invited to that she is already something of a hit. In truth, even I do not receive such regular correspondence as what I used to get from her but I do not begrudge her her happiness. She is sure to make a wonderful match."

"I believe so," was the only reply Elizabeth received. The silence threatened to overtake them again as they were left still standing apparently frozen, when Mr Darcy, not able to bear the awkwardness any further, suggested a walk through the orchard that bordered the house to one side. Not really thinking about propriety or any other such consideration Elizabeth happily accepted the invitation and walked along side Mr Darcy in silent yet heated anticipation of she knew not what.

No words had been spoken by either of them since they had begun their walk and they were now several yards into the orchard, when Elizabeth could stand the silence no longer.

"I am glad you have finally come back to Hertfordshire Mr Darcy. I feared that it was perhaps my presence that kept you away. Our last words to each other were not very conducive to hope that we should ever have the pleasure of seeing each other again." Elizabeth's speech had started out strong but as the awkwardness of her confession and the intensity of Mr Darcy's eyes seemed to sink in, her courage failed her, and the last few words were uttered in no more than a faint whisper, directed to the grass between her feet.

Eventually, after receiving no answering reply from the gentleman, she braced herself to look up at his face to see if it would betray any outward sign that she was either right or wrong in her assumption.

"Mr Darcy, are you quite well? Indeed, your face seems pale. Perhaps we should turn back to the house?" she asked as she encountered his troubled gaze and ashen visage.

"I am not well Miss Elizabeth, but returning to Netherfield is scarcely likely to make me better." His eyes were jet black and smouldering as they bore into hers and his voice was husky with suppressed passion. He slowly, yet steadfastly, reached out towards Elizabeth and gently cupped her face in his trembling hands. "Lizzy," he sighed.

Elizabeth had no control over her response. Her eyes closed and she buried her cheek in his warm palm. A soft sigh escaping her lips as the months of doubt and worry and pain seemed to melt away at his touch.

"Look at me Lizzy," he commanded in his gentle whisper.

She slowly opened her eyes to stare directly into the eyes of the man she knew to be her equal in life. He drank her in, raking over her face with his fiery glare, until their faces were only a hairsbreadth apart. "You have not forgotten me then, and moved on with your life?" Came the quiet enquiry out of Elizabeth's soft lips.

"It is not possible to forget someone who I love so dearly; who has become as much a part of me as my own flesh and blood. It would be like removing this heart," he said, beating his fist over his chest, "and expecting me to continue living without it. It is a physical impossibility."

"Then you still care for me? I did not drive you away with my thoughtless words?"

"I am here, am I not?"

"But you didn't come! Weeks and months went by, and you didn't come!" spat Elizabeth, her voice finally returning to her as the hurt she had suffered through finally seemed to register in her mind.

"Elizabeth, your words that day at Rosings were not thoughtless, they were true. I was at first hurt by them but I soon realised that if I truly cared for you as much as I had professed to, then I had to leave you be. I had to give you the opportunity to grieve, to heal and to decide whether or not you truly wanted me, rather than feeling as if you owed me a debt of gratitude. I never wanted your gratitude – I only ever wanted your love, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth battered her eyelids as the spark of her love flared into a full-scale blaze. "Well you have my gratitude; gratitude for what you did to restore your fiend to my sister, gratitude for looking after Mr Collins in his final days, for looking after me and befriending me. But above all of this you have my unconditional love, Fitzwilliam."

At these words he enveloped her in his warm embrace. His arms wrapped so tightly around her that she could barely breathe, but she didn't fight him. Instead she clung ever tighter to his torso, burying her head in his chest as the rapid pounding of his heart seemed to echo the beating of her own.

After what could have been several minutes or hours or even several sun-kissed days they finally broke apart, just enough for Mr Darcy to reach his hand under her chin pushing it up towards his face with his thumb and forefinger and whisper; "I love you Lizzy," before touching his heated lips to hers in a kiss that started off gentle and chaste but which increased in passion and fervency with every passing moment in an eager attempt by both parties to make up for lost time.

**xxXX THE END XXxx**

_**A/N: I just want to thank everyone who has followed / favourited this story and who have posted reviews. Every review and alert has meant a great deal to me. A special thanks go to Marion, who is currently translating this story into French. She has certainly been one of my most dedicated readers and dare I say Fans! If you enjoyed this story, please go along to the North & South fanfic page and check out my other story –'Poles Apart'. I have only just started this story and though updates may not be as regular as some of you would like, I will try my best to have chapter 2 up in a couple of weeks!**_

_**Thanks Again!**_

_**Jules.**_


End file.
